(I am just now catching up with my blog...it's been a God driven summer!)
Yea, well, I am officially freaked out! I am going on a honeymoon with Jesus. I am going to be teaching English in Tahiti on the island of Moorea and then off to Sydney, Australia where I will be meeting with mums through the Mom's In Touch ministry.
You know, last May when the Pastor from England came to our church asking for help teaching English this summer, I immediately put my name on the list, because I am finishing my BA in English along with getting certified to teach high school English amid crazy circumstances--God made a way. Then the details unfolded and He provided for all the things for me to go. I told Mom's In Touch I was leaving the country and they ask me if I could go to Sydney, that the women there could really use some encouragement and prayer as they set the foundations for this ministry there. I ask God, He made a way....
So God did all this. As I am finishing up a summer course early to go, still in the midst of getting my 16 yr old son to be in a place of restoration, counseling and schooling, (he refuses to speak with his dad after our divorce and has quit life) and leaving my own home in some sort of order, I am beginning to feel pressure. Not to mention I have come up against some serious temptations in my personal life in the last month. God has brought me to this point and I know He will deliver me. I also have no place to sleep yet in Tahiti, so I am trusting God for this minor detail.
The cool stuff going on is this. God told me He was taking me on a honeymoon of a lifetime. And then confirmed it a week later through my travel agent. I was getting ready for church one morning and this thought came into my mind about a honeymoon with Jesus. After coming through adultery and other junk it made me feel special that God would do this for me, my heart felt touched and I ask God is this really you saying this to me? And then my travel agent called the next week and said, "Leslie, I am having a hard time finding you flights....you know, it's honeymoon season!" I had tears in my eyes, as I responded with certainty, "I know, but I only need one seat!" So God loves me just the way I am, and confirms this theme for Our trip! Very cool!
While I am in Tahiti I will be teaching day and evening classes, on the beach sometimes!!! wow! It is about connections, not changing the world, just making connections with people who need to learn English and using scripture to teach them, in hope and prayer that someday they would chose Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We are working through a church there.
In Sydney, I am meeting with mums to pray for their schools and children just like I do here once or twice a week for my own children and schools. This is something that is special to me, because this ministry helped me to understand the power of prayer.
Also while I am in Sydney, I am hooking up with two new friends, that I have never met face to face. God has provided both of the friendships and I can't wait to meet them.
I am gone from aug 8th to aug 26th. I am just a single mom, regular woman, daughter, student and friend heading out....with my husband, Jesus Christ...
9.05.2008
This is how it all started...
Last May, there was a pastor from England, in our church, asking for volunteers who could help him teach English to immigrants all over the world. He and his wife have a vision and are asking for others to help them see it through. My major in school is English, I am also getting certified to teach in English. I didn't even think about it, before I knew it after the service I was talking to Him and putting my name on the list. He said it may be we need you right here in Connecticut this summer but....are you willing to go to England or South Korea? I just looked into his eyes and said "Yes". I am a single mom with three kids, in school, not sure what God is doing....but you know, He has provided me the finances to finish my degree and certification in the midst of really painful circumstances. All this time...I have been thanking Him for making a way for me to finish my education so I can provide for me and my kids, by simply becoming a high school english teacher. At that moment standing in front of that Pastor, I realized, His plans are beyond all that I could imagine. He just wants me to put my name on the list. So I did and as I walked out of church that day, I said nothing to no one, I just felt free.
7.23.2008
The Wrong Train
Have you ever made a wrong turn? A wrong choice? How about getting on the wrong train? Getting on the wrong train is not a good feeling. I knew immediately what I had done. I was headed south instead of north. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought, well, I can sit here and cry in my stupidity and take even longer to get home or just get up and be ready to get off the train at the next stop! As I rose, I could feel all eyes on me. I knew they knew. I felt stupid, but had to face the embarrassment in order to get home. I had to admit I made a mistake! As I stood next to the door, the business man near me said, "You got on the wrong train didn't you?" Was it that obvious? I thought, I nodded and then he said this, "Just get off at the next stop and turn around, you will get where you are going." Wow! How simple he made it sound. Acknowledging my mistake, and doing something about it quickly was the answer.
I felt comfort in that. Like I feel when God asks me to turn to Him. But why do I wait so long to turn when God, my Heavenly Father asks me to? I learned a lesson in getting on the wrong train. That just because your train is late, doesn't necessarily mean it is the next train coming into the station. Sometimes in the waiting, you still have to make sure it is the One! So look and make sure it is headed in the right direction. Also getting back on track can take some work. I had to take 4 metros to get to another Amtrak headed north. I was in Washington DC, alone, well with God, but alone, tired and so frustrated with Leslie.
Work to get back on track...that is like my walk with God I thought, I try my way and sometimes don't really think it makes a difference if I go home a different way than God has ask me to go. He wants me home, but He wants to make me more like Him in the process, so I must take certain tracks or tests to get there and be more like Him. As I was carting my bags through 4 metros and the Amtrak station, I wanted to dump the baggage, but I must carry it with me. Unlike my walk with God, I had to bring home my stuff. Thank you Jesus, I can leave my baggage behind at the cross and move much quicker to get home to You!
Then I reach the train that will take me home, home to my kids and my bed. As I sit down, I feel relief that I am on my way. I can now relax and let the engineer get me home, because I know I am on the right track, I just have to be ready for whoever or whatever comes along while riding down the track. I met a woman who was a professor in Science. She was nice and we spoke about Jesus some as she explained her need to go to church, but not a need to read the Bible. She was so nice to sit next too and she encouraged me in my walk in education to accomplish my final goal, being a teacher.
Then she got off in New Jersey and I still had 4 hours to go. To my surprise, God has yet another person for me to meet. I was tired and not really looking to continue in conversation, but there he was sitting down across the aisle. After the conductor came through confirming our destinations, he leans across the aisle and says, "Hartford?" "Yes" I respond...and from there on the conversation grew. I didn't expect this, but isn't that just like God, to take us on 4 metros and another train to cross paths with someone special.
So getting on the wrong train...is more work, more connections, more God than I expected. I ask Him into my day, and He showed up, despite my lack of attention to details, like which direction the train was headed. He saved me a seat on another train, but not until I wasted time from my mistake, and learning a lesson. And with that seat He had a gift for me, a new friend, a new conversation, a new connection. I learned that God shows up no matter if miss my train, He has another seat saved for me, I just have to get there!
I felt comfort in that. Like I feel when God asks me to turn to Him. But why do I wait so long to turn when God, my Heavenly Father asks me to? I learned a lesson in getting on the wrong train. That just because your train is late, doesn't necessarily mean it is the next train coming into the station. Sometimes in the waiting, you still have to make sure it is the One! So look and make sure it is headed in the right direction. Also getting back on track can take some work. I had to take 4 metros to get to another Amtrak headed north. I was in Washington DC, alone, well with God, but alone, tired and so frustrated with Leslie.
Work to get back on track...that is like my walk with God I thought, I try my way and sometimes don't really think it makes a difference if I go home a different way than God has ask me to go. He wants me home, but He wants to make me more like Him in the process, so I must take certain tracks or tests to get there and be more like Him. As I was carting my bags through 4 metros and the Amtrak station, I wanted to dump the baggage, but I must carry it with me. Unlike my walk with God, I had to bring home my stuff. Thank you Jesus, I can leave my baggage behind at the cross and move much quicker to get home to You!
Then I reach the train that will take me home, home to my kids and my bed. As I sit down, I feel relief that I am on my way. I can now relax and let the engineer get me home, because I know I am on the right track, I just have to be ready for whoever or whatever comes along while riding down the track. I met a woman who was a professor in Science. She was nice and we spoke about Jesus some as she explained her need to go to church, but not a need to read the Bible. She was so nice to sit next too and she encouraged me in my walk in education to accomplish my final goal, being a teacher.
Then she got off in New Jersey and I still had 4 hours to go. To my surprise, God has yet another person for me to meet. I was tired and not really looking to continue in conversation, but there he was sitting down across the aisle. After the conductor came through confirming our destinations, he leans across the aisle and says, "Hartford?" "Yes" I respond...and from there on the conversation grew. I didn't expect this, but isn't that just like God, to take us on 4 metros and another train to cross paths with someone special.
So getting on the wrong train...is more work, more connections, more God than I expected. I ask Him into my day, and He showed up, despite my lack of attention to details, like which direction the train was headed. He saved me a seat on another train, but not until I wasted time from my mistake, and learning a lesson. And with that seat He had a gift for me, a new friend, a new conversation, a new connection. I learned that God shows up no matter if miss my train, He has another seat saved for me, I just have to get there!
4.19.2008
His soul is at stake.....
A friend of mine wrote this to me, along with other powerful words. This sentence became embedded in my mind and heart as I contemplated this entire message from a friend who prays for me and my children. I can't get away from it. Previously in the week, friends had prayed that I would pray more and in fact reach out to the situation that was kicking me in the shins. I rejected that idea, in prayer even, it was such the opposite that my heart felt. Then this friend comes along with this short sentence, "His soul is at stake". My heart aches deep inside, I haven't been praying in this way, I haven't been even thinking in this direction. I have been busy waiting to see consequences fall and then I would go back to praying for souls. Enemies, they bring us to our knees. Jesus knew this and in advance instructs us on how to pray for our enemies, but with the instruction comes the "I do" part.
In Luke 6:35 Jesus said, "But love your enemies and do good and lend expecting nothing in return and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men."
When writing lessons plans for students, teachers have to have three parts in how they will approach teaching the "how" part of the lesson. First part is the "I do" part, the students watch the teacher model the task or new skill. The next step is the "We do" part, which is when the teacher does the skill with the student and looks on each student as they try following the teacher's instructions on their own and helps with feedback.
Finally, there is the "You do" part, and this is where the student does the task by themselves, while the teacher is near by for help if needed.
I am so thankful that Jesus doesn't just tell me what to do, but He modeled it for me. He then goes even farther to come alongside me to make sure I understand the concept He has taught me. And finally He never leaves me and always has feedback for my efforts in modeling His task that He has given me to apply to my life. Jesus wants me to succeed and knew in advance how hard this would be, loving your enemies. He asks me to not only love them, but show them love. He did this for everyone. He loved the kind and the ungrateful and went to the cross for all kinds, knowing in advance whether they would choose Him.
Modeling Jesus is the single hardest thing I have ever tried to do, moreover even in the situations with my enemies. Which part of the lesson is hard for me? That would be the "You do" part. I am thankful for the people in my life that remind me, Jesus didn't come to make my life easy, but He came to call me into less of me and more of Him. He knows exactly how to do that in me. He does His work with love, compassion and truth. And He is more than happy to start the lesson over with the "I do" part....
Jesus thank you for never giving up on me.
In Luke 6:35 Jesus said, "But love your enemies and do good and lend expecting nothing in return and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men."
When writing lessons plans for students, teachers have to have three parts in how they will approach teaching the "how" part of the lesson. First part is the "I do" part, the students watch the teacher model the task or new skill. The next step is the "We do" part, which is when the teacher does the skill with the student and looks on each student as they try following the teacher's instructions on their own and helps with feedback.
Finally, there is the "You do" part, and this is where the student does the task by themselves, while the teacher is near by for help if needed.
I am so thankful that Jesus doesn't just tell me what to do, but He modeled it for me. He then goes even farther to come alongside me to make sure I understand the concept He has taught me. And finally He never leaves me and always has feedback for my efforts in modeling His task that He has given me to apply to my life. Jesus wants me to succeed and knew in advance how hard this would be, loving your enemies. He asks me to not only love them, but show them love. He did this for everyone. He loved the kind and the ungrateful and went to the cross for all kinds, knowing in advance whether they would choose Him.
Modeling Jesus is the single hardest thing I have ever tried to do, moreover even in the situations with my enemies. Which part of the lesson is hard for me? That would be the "You do" part. I am thankful for the people in my life that remind me, Jesus didn't come to make my life easy, but He came to call me into less of me and more of Him. He knows exactly how to do that in me. He does His work with love, compassion and truth. And He is more than happy to start the lesson over with the "I do" part....
Jesus thank you for never giving up on me.
4.09.2008
King of Glory by Third Day
Who is this King of Glory.......He is everything to me....Join with me and praise our God for who He is....The song is on my player, you can flip to it and listen at the same time...A moment of praise......and You will be blessed beyond measure...
Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me
Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and Son of man
His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart The King of glory
Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me
Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me
Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and Son of man
His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart The King of glory
Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me
3.30.2008
The view is incredible!
And I have just begun my journey up the Mountain of God. I can't imagine the view from the top. I have been on many hikes to the top of many mountains, in varying sizes. I climbed Mt Rainer once, well just the easy path. Not to the very top, but the view from close to the base was incredible. I wasn't in shape or ready for the climb to 14,000 feet up to the top. It takes training to get to that point. I wasn't willing to go through the training, I didn't think the view was going to be worth it I guess, or maybe I just didn't believe I had what it took, and I was probably right. So I settled for the view from close to the bottom, but even that was amazing, how much more would the view from the top be?
Now God is calling me through the valleys and up the side of His Mountain. He has been calling for quite some time, and I just kept saying "Later, God, I am busy here, planning my life." Not anymore, not today, not tomorrow, NOW I am ready to climb. I have been in the valley long enough, I am desperate for that view from the top. You know, the feeling you get when you reach the top of that 1900 foot climb, ahhhh, wow, the wind is in your hair, the landscape breaks out into view and you stand in amazement that you are so small in the vastness of all that you see in that 360 degree view from the top. You ask yourself, why did you wait so long to take this hike, the view is so incredible. And you never want to come down! So you try to memorize all the details of the view from what you see to how you feel.
God's mountain is what I want to climb now, Yes I have to go through the valley first, yes the One who goes before me will help me. I have been in the valley for some time now. I guess there is the option for some climbs to fly to the top. You know, maybe a helicopter or small plane could bring you up. But they won't take off from the valley! They will take off from a distant air strip, not the valley I am in now, it isn't appropriate for a runway, many forests, rocks, creeks, ponds, fallen trees, the valley has it's own challenges. So to take off from the airstrip far away, would be to miss the valley. How much more amazing is the top of that mountain peak , after you have been in the valley? How much more satisfying? How much more do we learn about the One who is in the valley with us? The Helicopter ride would be short, not a lot of time for conversation. Just up to the top and down again. The plane can't land on the top, no room. So you can't "feel" the Mountain top, only view the top, which isn't the same through the view of a small plane window, compared to the view standing on the top. Where you get to see the view and how far you came to get there.
I am getting my boots on today...no more excuses...I am just at the base, but even just these few feet up, I am amazed at the view of the Mountain of God, I can't wait to get to the top. It may take the rest of my life, but it's about the journey and when I reach the top, along with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I hope and pray I have someone to share it with, because well, I just do....
Now God is calling me through the valleys and up the side of His Mountain. He has been calling for quite some time, and I just kept saying "Later, God, I am busy here, planning my life." Not anymore, not today, not tomorrow, NOW I am ready to climb. I have been in the valley long enough, I am desperate for that view from the top. You know, the feeling you get when you reach the top of that 1900 foot climb, ahhhh, wow, the wind is in your hair, the landscape breaks out into view and you stand in amazement that you are so small in the vastness of all that you see in that 360 degree view from the top. You ask yourself, why did you wait so long to take this hike, the view is so incredible. And you never want to come down! So you try to memorize all the details of the view from what you see to how you feel.
God's mountain is what I want to climb now, Yes I have to go through the valley first, yes the One who goes before me will help me. I have been in the valley for some time now. I guess there is the option for some climbs to fly to the top. You know, maybe a helicopter or small plane could bring you up. But they won't take off from the valley! They will take off from a distant air strip, not the valley I am in now, it isn't appropriate for a runway, many forests, rocks, creeks, ponds, fallen trees, the valley has it's own challenges. So to take off from the airstrip far away, would be to miss the valley. How much more amazing is the top of that mountain peak , after you have been in the valley? How much more satisfying? How much more do we learn about the One who is in the valley with us? The Helicopter ride would be short, not a lot of time for conversation. Just up to the top and down again. The plane can't land on the top, no room. So you can't "feel" the Mountain top, only view the top, which isn't the same through the view of a small plane window, compared to the view standing on the top. Where you get to see the view and how far you came to get there.
I am getting my boots on today...no more excuses...I am just at the base, but even just these few feet up, I am amazed at the view of the Mountain of God, I can't wait to get to the top. It may take the rest of my life, but it's about the journey and when I reach the top, along with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I hope and pray I have someone to share it with, because well, I just do....
3.29.2008
I am confident of this.....
10 years ago I would have finished that statement with self.....5 years ago I would have finished that statement with something about my future....2 years ago I couldn't have finished that statement....last year I would have finished it with self-pity and sorrow....today...tonight I can finish this statement with "He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I ever forsake you." (Heb13:5b). God is so good to me...you see He would finish that statement the same yesterday, today and forever, because He is God and never changes. I am the one that changes with my circumstances. I am the one that says, " Really, are You sure You are going to be faithful again...I mean it doesn't look like it, and why is it taking so long? Why all the waiting?
Hebrews 13:6 says this, "So that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"
I guess my question is what happens when I am not believing in what He can do in my life? I have the past faithfulness to look and see and hold in my heart. It is there, and yet I still get into that place of disbelief, like He is all out of faithfulness this time and surely this is it for me, I must have done something to deserve this discipline of waiting. As I think about these things, I feel bad that I am not living that life of faith that so many before me, in front of me and around me are doing and have done. I wonder what is the secret, it seems others don't get off track...but here I am...
As I question and wonder, God brings me these verses in Proverbs 4: 25,26,27
"Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."
These verses give me step by step directions on how to stay focused on the confidence in the Lord. I am guilty of looking to the right and to the left, and then calling out to God as if He left me and I had no choice this time. When actually, He never left me, I looked away and lost my focus. I became overcome with my situation again and this time went to the left to take a closer look at those details, instead of the details of Him and His character and Faithfulness straight in front of me.
In the midst of learning again, to stay focused on Him, I want to shorten the hard part of waiting, waiting on Him to show me what is next. I want to know in a deeper way, so that it penetrates my heart and overcomes the battle in my mind; that just because my circumstances take over my focus, that He is still there, never leaving me or forsaking me, and still holding me like no other can....thank goodness for His grace...I want to get back up again quicker this time and fix my eyes on Him...
Hebrews 13:6 says this, "So that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"
I guess my question is what happens when I am not believing in what He can do in my life? I have the past faithfulness to look and see and hold in my heart. It is there, and yet I still get into that place of disbelief, like He is all out of faithfulness this time and surely this is it for me, I must have done something to deserve this discipline of waiting. As I think about these things, I feel bad that I am not living that life of faith that so many before me, in front of me and around me are doing and have done. I wonder what is the secret, it seems others don't get off track...but here I am...
As I question and wonder, God brings me these verses in Proverbs 4: 25,26,27
"Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."
These verses give me step by step directions on how to stay focused on the confidence in the Lord. I am guilty of looking to the right and to the left, and then calling out to God as if He left me and I had no choice this time. When actually, He never left me, I looked away and lost my focus. I became overcome with my situation again and this time went to the left to take a closer look at those details, instead of the details of Him and His character and Faithfulness straight in front of me.
In the midst of learning again, to stay focused on Him, I want to shorten the hard part of waiting, waiting on Him to show me what is next. I want to know in a deeper way, so that it penetrates my heart and overcomes the battle in my mind; that just because my circumstances take over my focus, that He is still there, never leaving me or forsaking me, and still holding me like no other can....thank goodness for His grace...I want to get back up again quicker this time and fix my eyes on Him...
3.15.2008
Choice A: Good pain : Choice B: Bad pain
I really don't to want either, but if I have to chose, well I guess I am learning that the good pain is more productive, even though it hurts...greatly. So in my group, well, I will not reveal real names, but let's just say that we all are in the learning process. Each of us needs the support for us to grow. There is something about accountability when attempting to grow in good pain and not to go back to the bad pain patterns. So what is pain anyway and why do we have to experience it. The definition of pain according to the Oxford English Dictionary is "The state or condition of consciousness arising from mental or physical suffering; distress; an instance of this." What I like about this definition is that it includes mental suffering, not just physical. This word was first recorded in 1375 and spelled "payne".
So with this background information I can look at my pain in a fresh way, sort of like wow, I am going to be conscious when I experience it! I am going to feel it! I will remember it!! So then I can help someone in their journey because I remember! Like Jesus, when Peter tried to get him to avoid suffering, Jesus calls us to embrace it. Matt 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." So we can't just confess that Jesus is the Messiah, but we must understand that this also involves suffering and death. We have to realize that we are going to pay the same price. We don't know the extent of the suffering, but we know we will suffer. So how do we go through it? Jesus went through it without sin and with obedience. Heb 5:7-8 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered."
Now we chose good pain over bad pain, because that is the only choice, there is no option C. It is either A or B and how to know the difference. Well the bad pain comes from repeating old patterns. Say for example, I am always screaming "Victim" "I am the victim." I will view my entire life through that lens and always wake up in pain, bitterness, anger and all the while my heart just can't experience joy, no matter what I do. No one tells me, "Leslie you are just repeating the same patterns, move on, let go, you must face your own character faults." And reminding me, with love, I should be looking at my suffering with the question, "what can I learn from this?"
I believe Jesus meant for the church to do this for each other. The hard stuff of confronting in love, accountability. Of course it is not easy, but love isn't described as easy!
These are just a few examples of how I can grow in a good way through pain:
Take risks being more honest
Taking risks in relational confrontation
Dealing with trauma and pain from the past
Learning to grieve
Learning to forgive
Learning to reconcile difficult relationships
Now the bottom line on pain? I like to think of it this way, sort of like going to the gym with the ultimate trainer. You see at the gym,you are paying the trainer to get you in shape. Is the trainer going to say, "oh you know, your stomach is fine, let's just leave it, you seem to be okay with it and the work will be just too hard!" My experience is the experts never are satisfied with leaving anything as is and are there to challenge you to be better!
So yes, you guessed it we have spiritual muscles! And guess what? God, the expert, loves me more than my personal trainer! (I know, Shock!) So why are we surprised knowing that Jesus suffered and that our spiritual muscles only grow through pain, like our physical muscles! And God doesn't want to leave us "going through the motions" on the treadmill of life, He wants us all, completely, given up to Him. Yes, you guessed it again, we can't learn that if we just chose to stay on the treadmill and never go out and try the other machines and classes!
Let's embrace the pain, so that we too can experience more of Him in our lives and then learn how to stop the pain that comes from addictions, repeating old patterns, avoiding growth and the pain that comes from avoiding pain. Most importantly help others through their pain by giving them hope, the Hope of Jesus!
Don't be a reluctant sufferer like Peter, take the challenge and strengthen those spiritual muscles! Join me, the cost of this membership is priceless!
So with this background information I can look at my pain in a fresh way, sort of like wow, I am going to be conscious when I experience it! I am going to feel it! I will remember it!! So then I can help someone in their journey because I remember! Like Jesus, when Peter tried to get him to avoid suffering, Jesus calls us to embrace it. Matt 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." So we can't just confess that Jesus is the Messiah, but we must understand that this also involves suffering and death. We have to realize that we are going to pay the same price. We don't know the extent of the suffering, but we know we will suffer. So how do we go through it? Jesus went through it without sin and with obedience. Heb 5:7-8 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered."
Now we chose good pain over bad pain, because that is the only choice, there is no option C. It is either A or B and how to know the difference. Well the bad pain comes from repeating old patterns. Say for example, I am always screaming "Victim" "I am the victim." I will view my entire life through that lens and always wake up in pain, bitterness, anger and all the while my heart just can't experience joy, no matter what I do. No one tells me, "Leslie you are just repeating the same patterns, move on, let go, you must face your own character faults." And reminding me, with love, I should be looking at my suffering with the question, "what can I learn from this?"
I believe Jesus meant for the church to do this for each other. The hard stuff of confronting in love, accountability. Of course it is not easy, but love isn't described as easy!
These are just a few examples of how I can grow in a good way through pain:
Take risks being more honest
Taking risks in relational confrontation
Dealing with trauma and pain from the past
Learning to grieve
Learning to forgive
Learning to reconcile difficult relationships
Now the bottom line on pain? I like to think of it this way, sort of like going to the gym with the ultimate trainer. You see at the gym,you are paying the trainer to get you in shape. Is the trainer going to say, "oh you know, your stomach is fine, let's just leave it, you seem to be okay with it and the work will be just too hard!" My experience is the experts never are satisfied with leaving anything as is and are there to challenge you to be better!
So yes, you guessed it we have spiritual muscles! And guess what? God, the expert, loves me more than my personal trainer! (I know, Shock!) So why are we surprised knowing that Jesus suffered and that our spiritual muscles only grow through pain, like our physical muscles! And God doesn't want to leave us "going through the motions" on the treadmill of life, He wants us all, completely, given up to Him. Yes, you guessed it again, we can't learn that if we just chose to stay on the treadmill and never go out and try the other machines and classes!
Let's embrace the pain, so that we too can experience more of Him in our lives and then learn how to stop the pain that comes from addictions, repeating old patterns, avoiding growth and the pain that comes from avoiding pain. Most importantly help others through their pain by giving them hope, the Hope of Jesus!
Don't be a reluctant sufferer like Peter, take the challenge and strengthen those spiritual muscles! Join me, the cost of this membership is priceless!
2.23.2008
Someone has to go first.....
Yep...someone has to go first. It's life. It's hard, but it's life. In any situation, whether it is in the grocery line, the gas station, weigh in (yech), roller coaster ride, reading aloud in class, the exercise in gym class, the prayer request and yes the confession. God says someone has to go first. We go first, we turn to Him and suddenly He is there, standing right in front of us. Not so hard to go first with God!
All this talk about transparency, confession, real truth, real confession, the sin's we hide and the ones we share has got me thinking about my own experience.
Yes, I agree it stinks when I get transparent first and then others don't. Yes it brings pain, yes it causes tears and yes it could cause a harden heart to not share again. So I don't think the bottom line is not sharing, I think sometimes we share and get burned. Then the result is less transparency. We learn from the past because, well we just do. So the bigger picture is we all have been burned in relationships and God knows this. And so does the enemy!
How do others reach those of us who have been burned? Prayer...it's truly the only way. Sure we can chat a good chat, write a nice post, but really it's prayer. Jesus showed us this. He went first and prayed first. He was hoping we would follow Him. He showed us His transparency right there and laided it out there, knowing full well which one of us would do the same, because He is the All- Knowing God. He still became transparent for us, knowing the future. Is He bitter or sorry He came first because some really broke His heart by not accepting His offer? Brokenhearted, but not bitter, not hard hearted.
So who goes first? The prodigal son did. BUT....his father saw him coming and guess what? He came running towards him. So the son made the turn home and His dad came running. We all want that feeling, to be celebrated by the ones we love. But what if no celebration? What if mundane life is all we got? Does that mean we are not loved or don't have access? No, we always have access to the phone, email, chats and coffee talk, prayer. Listen, as my children grow older and I watch on the sidelines, I see so much I want to change. Should the father have told the prodigal to stay home? "Don't do that son you will regret it" Well I don't know if he did, but it seems it was time for the prodigal to leave, possibly college bound or just moving onto a career. So as the parent, he chooses to say good-bye and hang at home with the other son. Then the homecoming, the father runs to meet him. Runs, not walks, not finishes up what he is doing, he simply RUNS to his son. That is how I am going to feel when the phone rings and it's one my kids calling from their job, college or just life. "Hey mom, life is bad...wanna meet for coffee?" I pray for those calls to come. Answered prayers, that what these are. And I believe that is what it was for the father of the prodigal son. So do I just show up like it's just another day? NO WAY, I am going to be early for that meeting.. dressed for a party, camera and all and I may even bring an inspirational message or book, plus I will definitely be buying the coffee! Most of all I will bring compassion and love, for this is my child returning to me and most importantly Choosing me! How cool is that!
So who goes first....I don't know....but I am still willing no matter the possibility of pain...because EVERY disappointment is an appointment with God. Plus my kids our watching and someday they will come home needing my open heart and compassion. We don't get that way without transparency in our lives.
So whose going first? Are you willing?
All this talk about transparency, confession, real truth, real confession, the sin's we hide and the ones we share has got me thinking about my own experience.
Yes, I agree it stinks when I get transparent first and then others don't. Yes it brings pain, yes it causes tears and yes it could cause a harden heart to not share again. So I don't think the bottom line is not sharing, I think sometimes we share and get burned. Then the result is less transparency. We learn from the past because, well we just do. So the bigger picture is we all have been burned in relationships and God knows this. And so does the enemy!
How do others reach those of us who have been burned? Prayer...it's truly the only way. Sure we can chat a good chat, write a nice post, but really it's prayer. Jesus showed us this. He went first and prayed first. He was hoping we would follow Him. He showed us His transparency right there and laided it out there, knowing full well which one of us would do the same, because He is the All- Knowing God. He still became transparent for us, knowing the future. Is He bitter or sorry He came first because some really broke His heart by not accepting His offer? Brokenhearted, but not bitter, not hard hearted.
So who goes first? The prodigal son did. BUT....his father saw him coming and guess what? He came running towards him. So the son made the turn home and His dad came running. We all want that feeling, to be celebrated by the ones we love. But what if no celebration? What if mundane life is all we got? Does that mean we are not loved or don't have access? No, we always have access to the phone, email, chats and coffee talk, prayer. Listen, as my children grow older and I watch on the sidelines, I see so much I want to change. Should the father have told the prodigal to stay home? "Don't do that son you will regret it" Well I don't know if he did, but it seems it was time for the prodigal to leave, possibly college bound or just moving onto a career. So as the parent, he chooses to say good-bye and hang at home with the other son. Then the homecoming, the father runs to meet him. Runs, not walks, not finishes up what he is doing, he simply RUNS to his son. That is how I am going to feel when the phone rings and it's one my kids calling from their job, college or just life. "Hey mom, life is bad...wanna meet for coffee?" I pray for those calls to come. Answered prayers, that what these are. And I believe that is what it was for the father of the prodigal son. So do I just show up like it's just another day? NO WAY, I am going to be early for that meeting.. dressed for a party, camera and all and I may even bring an inspirational message or book, plus I will definitely be buying the coffee! Most of all I will bring compassion and love, for this is my child returning to me and most importantly Choosing me! How cool is that!
So who goes first....I don't know....but I am still willing no matter the possibility of pain...because EVERY disappointment is an appointment with God. Plus my kids our watching and someday they will come home needing my open heart and compassion. We don't get that way without transparency in our lives.
So whose going first? Are you willing?
2.22.2008
Do I have to?
Okay so I like to whine! I am not afraid to be honest here, I do my fair share and God only knows how often. I remember saying this so much when I was younger to my parents, now I hear it from my kids and my own lips to God. I cry out sometimes and say please, there has to be another way. He responds, as my parents did, His way is the best way.
Then one day I was looking into the Garden, you know, where Jesus was asking God if He had to. I don't think He was whining, but it makes me feel better to know that even Jesus said to His Father, "Do I have to?" Hebrews 5: 7-8 says,
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered".
I can't imagine how Jesus had to learn obedience, but it says here He did. So the God I worship actually knows how I feel when I say, "Do I have to watch my children suffer?" Do I have to watch the man I trusted with my heart with another woman?" "Do I have to feel this pain?" "Do I have to believe and trust that your plans are best for me?" "Do I have to, there must be another way."
God, you are so good to us, always holding us during all the storms and showing us more of You. Thank you that You thought of everything, down to telling your only Son that He needed to learn obedience too. You knew that I would need to know this one day in my journey.
In Jesus name I pray with thanksgiving, Amen.
(Taken from the One Year Book of Hope, by Nancy Guthrie)
Then one day I was looking into the Garden, you know, where Jesus was asking God if He had to. I don't think He was whining, but it makes me feel better to know that even Jesus said to His Father, "Do I have to?" Hebrews 5: 7-8 says,
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered".
I can't imagine how Jesus had to learn obedience, but it says here He did. So the God I worship actually knows how I feel when I say, "Do I have to watch my children suffer?" Do I have to watch the man I trusted with my heart with another woman?" "Do I have to feel this pain?" "Do I have to believe and trust that your plans are best for me?" "Do I have to, there must be another way."
God, you are so good to us, always holding us during all the storms and showing us more of You. Thank you that You thought of everything, down to telling your only Son that He needed to learn obedience too. You knew that I would need to know this one day in my journey.
In Jesus name I pray with thanksgiving, Amen.
(Taken from the One Year Book of Hope, by Nancy Guthrie)
2.13.2008
New Beginnings
New Beginnings, new starts, new plans, new roles...sounds good to me. I haven't posted in awhile. Haven't felt much like sharing about my situation. I have lots of questions for God in this process of life. But for the first time in a while, on Sunday during the message, I realized, it's okay. My life isn't turning out the way I wanted or thought, God is into new starts and fresh plans. So how does that work minute to minute? Breath to breath?
According to some of the verses from the study in the message on Sunday, 2 Cor 5:17 and John 3:1-3, it means every second the newness begins and walking in that new plan, new role begins. I am so thankful for me that this is truth. That God loves to start over. I guess that is why we wake up to a new day over and over again! He knew!
That is where I am right now, new start. Maybe I screwed up already or maybe I just need to a fresh look at my life. I am headed out a day alone with God. I have a place picked out and will spend about 2-4 hours there just listening to Him.
Iwas challenged to do this by a friend. Until next time...
According to some of the verses from the study in the message on Sunday, 2 Cor 5:17 and John 3:1-3, it means every second the newness begins and walking in that new plan, new role begins. I am so thankful for me that this is truth. That God loves to start over. I guess that is why we wake up to a new day over and over again! He knew!
That is where I am right now, new start. Maybe I screwed up already or maybe I just need to a fresh look at my life. I am headed out a day alone with God. I have a place picked out and will spend about 2-4 hours there just listening to Him.
Iwas challenged to do this by a friend. Until next time...
1.04.2008
Lamentatons 3
Over the past six months I have been in these depths of the pit of sorrow, pain, grief, bitterness. They have all been my friends. I have felt my prayers have been shut out and I have been in dark places. I have also felt that my inward parts have been shot, and never have I felt so much pain and anguish before in my life. These thoughts seem disturbing possibly to someone who hasn't experienced them. It may sound as if God forgot about me and my life, maybe He became busy with another idea or project and put me on hold because I was just too pitiful. This could have been how the author of Lamentations felt also. Most of these words are from Chapter 3: 1-20. As I read them over and over again, I realized, I wasn't the first and won't be the last. And I realized at verse 21 that what, there is HOPE?
Well, now the author has my attention, HOPE? After all the depressing feelings, I was with the author on how awful life had become, and then he throws in HOPE? Hey, who canceled the pity party? They didn't tell me, I was set to come and stay awhile, way past midnight for sure!
The author switches gears abruptly, making sure he is not consumed and not forgetting that the Lord's great love and compassion never fail. Truth instead of emotions is a good prescription for grief, despair, deep hurts and pain. Truth gets to the heart, speaks to the heart. Emotions and feelings are not truth, for they are not run on truth generally and need to be stopped, abruptly with truth, hope and love.
Allowing myself to hear this, training my mind to listen to this and learning from it all is a challenge beyond Mt. Everest at times. How to overcome and move to a place where I can say, "This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope" (v 21). Prayer and meditation, support from the body and consistency in the truth are the keys to overcoming the emotions that desire to be heard most of the time. In essence, time with the Lord and listening to His voice even when life is not what I thought.
Well, now the author has my attention, HOPE? After all the depressing feelings, I was with the author on how awful life had become, and then he throws in HOPE? Hey, who canceled the pity party? They didn't tell me, I was set to come and stay awhile, way past midnight for sure!
The author switches gears abruptly, making sure he is not consumed and not forgetting that the Lord's great love and compassion never fail. Truth instead of emotions is a good prescription for grief, despair, deep hurts and pain. Truth gets to the heart, speaks to the heart. Emotions and feelings are not truth, for they are not run on truth generally and need to be stopped, abruptly with truth, hope and love.
Allowing myself to hear this, training my mind to listen to this and learning from it all is a challenge beyond Mt. Everest at times. How to overcome and move to a place where I can say, "This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope" (v 21). Prayer and meditation, support from the body and consistency in the truth are the keys to overcoming the emotions that desire to be heard most of the time. In essence, time with the Lord and listening to His voice even when life is not what I thought.
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