6.12.2012

Climbing walls takes a change of address sometimes

2 Samuel 22:25-30 
“To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
27 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. 
28 You save the humble, 
but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low. 
29 You, Lord, are my lamp; 
the Lord turns my darkness into light.
30 With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall."


I almost didn't stay. I almost walked away from the metaphorical wall. I have walked away from walls many times before. And I always end up feeling failure, making excuses and then it becomes a theme in my life.  What say You?? Well I will be brutally honest.  I am tired.  Shut- I am beyond tired.  I am always trying to find a way to take a nap these days, even in the car at the red light!! :) 


When my husband decided to not up hold his vow till death do us part, I was in total break down mode.  I believed him when he told me I would never accomplish my goals. In the in between spaces in my heart, his lies about me where lodged in, even though I kept moving forward, there was always this voice in the background saying, "you suck, you're just lucky, this is all going to end someday when someone figures out you really don't GOT IT!"

I could say it was from emotional abuse, physical abuse and those excuses could be my address of sorts, where I live from and how I make my choices and then what?? What happens to my children and their future, what happens to mine, what will I miss out on? Where does all that get me except a backpack full of excuses and a permanent address in the town of You-Suck-Ville.  

I made a decision, well many many decisions to change my address, not because I am just that good :). But because I have a God that cares for me and met me where I was living, He came to my "hood"!  He didn't ask me to get my act together before He offered his love, grace and mercy to me...He didn't ask me to be someone I am not either, He just said, "Come" "Move" and "Trust"....there is more, but that is where we started.  He knew. He knew Leslie and all that she was and all that she wasn't  and all that she could be.      (sorry I stole that format from  a verse! But its a great format!) 

The verses in 2 Samuel remind me that God met me where I was, showed me that He is a God, who shows Himself, He is who He says He is and keeps His promises...that's what my break down was about...is there any good one left LORD?? Any one who keeps their promises?? Then He showed me.  I wanted someone to be who they say they are to me. He is that One for me. And through that He showed me the way with His light unto my path.  He doesn't say He is a stadium light, either, He says He is a LAMP unto my path.  
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Psalm 119:105.  That is where I was able to see Him keep His promises to me, as I had to trust Him without seeing the entire way before me, only where my next steps needed to go. 

So the walls?? Yeah...they just keep coming up on my path of life....Many a wall, many a fear to overcome.  He won't let me rest in my laurels.  Shock! I know!! He continues to ask me to keep moving and trusting  more. I could relate this to Cross Fit again when one of my coaches told me just the other night when he saw the look of fear in my eyes over the workout..."you got this Leslie".  Or I could relate this to the new job He has given me that seems like a huge wall to climb...And maybe while you are reading this, just maybe you are thinking of your personal walls you have walked away from and are considering maybe climbing over them and not believing or accepting the lies or misconceptions of what you can or can't do and then move forward in fear and hope of what you will do. I don't know. I do know this.  I am going to climb more walls with Him, make more mistakes, trust and and do it all again. And change my address.   

New Address:
You-Got-This, USA. :)