Climbing walls takes a change of address sometimes

2 Samuel 22:25-30 
“To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
27 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. 
28 You save the humble, 
but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low. 
29 You, Lord, are my lamp; 
the Lord turns my darkness into light.
30 With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall."


I almost didn't stay. I almost walked away from the metaphorical wall. I have walked away from walls many times before. And I always end up feeling failure, making excuses and then it becomes a theme in my life.  What say You?? Well I will be brutally honest.  I am tired.  Shut- I am beyond tired.  I am always trying to find a way to take a nap these days, even in the car at the red light!! :) 


When my husband decided to not up hold his vow till death do us part, I was in total break down mode.  I believed him when he told me I would never accomplish my goals. In the in between spaces in my heart, his lies about me where lodged in, even though I kept moving forward, there was always this voice in the background saying, "you suck, you're just lucky, this is all going to end someday when someone figures out you really don't GOT IT!"

I could say it was from emotional abuse, physical abuse and those excuses could be my address of sorts, where I live from and how I make my choices and then what?? What happens to my children and their future, what happens to mine, what will I miss out on? Where does all that get me except a backpack full of excuses and a permanent address in the town of You-Suck-Ville.  

I made a decision, well many many decisions to change my address, not because I am just that good :). But because I have a God that cares for me and met me where I was living, He came to my "hood"!  He didn't ask me to get my act together before He offered his love, grace and mercy to me...He didn't ask me to be someone I am not either, He just said, "Come" "Move" and "Trust"....there is more, but that is where we started.  He knew. He knew Leslie and all that she was and all that she wasn't  and all that she could be.      (sorry I stole that format from  a verse! But its a great format!) 

The verses in 2 Samuel remind me that God met me where I was, showed me that He is a God, who shows Himself, He is who He says He is and keeps His promises...that's what my break down was about...is there any good one left LORD?? Any one who keeps their promises?? Then He showed me.  I wanted someone to be who they say they are to me. He is that One for me. And through that He showed me the way with His light unto my path.  He doesn't say He is a stadium light, either, He says He is a LAMP unto my path.  
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Psalm 119:105.  That is where I was able to see Him keep His promises to me, as I had to trust Him without seeing the entire way before me, only where my next steps needed to go. 

So the walls?? Yeah...they just keep coming up on my path of life....Many a wall, many a fear to overcome.  He won't let me rest in my laurels.  Shock! I know!! He continues to ask me to keep moving and trusting  more. I could relate this to Cross Fit again when one of my coaches told me just the other night when he saw the look of fear in my eyes over the workout..."you got this Leslie".  Or I could relate this to the new job He has given me that seems like a huge wall to climb...And maybe while you are reading this, just maybe you are thinking of your personal walls you have walked away from and are considering maybe climbing over them and not believing or accepting the lies or misconceptions of what you can or can't do and then move forward in fear and hope of what you will do. I don't know. I do know this.  I am going to climb more walls with Him, make more mistakes, trust and and do it all again. And change my address.   

New Address:

You-Got-This, USA. :)

The places in higher education are few and mighty

" A daughter of Love,
Who sits in a field of grace,
Grateful for promise."

I wrote this Haiku in my Multi-cultural literature class last night.  A Haiku has to have 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second and 5 in the last.  We were ask to write about who we are and where we come from.  It's ironic that I wrote this in this class, because of the path the professor has taken this class. My heart has been so stirred up for our children, our students and next generation because of the readings and discussions.  I am concerned for our students and grateful at the same time that professors don't have access to our children at such young ages.

I feel more alone in my pilgrimage of sorts in education and my classroom. I wonder what Jesus would do in this case.  I think He was with similar people who had high thoughts of themselves and simply wanted to get more on their side in order to make their ways the norm.  And when power is involved it's easy to mask the discussion as "open" and "good".

What happened when I gave myself 10 weeks...

10 weeks ago I signed up for a challenge. The Fit Club Challenge at my gym, Ohio Fit Club.

We were awarded 1 point for:

Completing a workout (WOD)

Eating a Paleo, zone meal or a combo of both at each meal

Sleeping 8 hrs/night

Drinking 2L H2O,

Drinking a recovery shake within an hour after work out

Getting 2 hrs. of sunshine/week

Negative points included:

Cheating meals that were not Paleo or Zone

Smoking (-5)

Drinking >2 drinks/week

Chewing tobacco

My personal results:

I changed the way I eat. The way I shop for food. The way I cook for my kids.  Yes I cooked!

I feel stronger, better, healthier, and more coherent with life.  I learned what I needed to do for my own health.  It matters.  I matter.  My choices matter.

My Body composition went down 4% in fat, I dropped 15 lbs.,  Fat free mass went up by 5%.

Week 1: Dead-lifted 207 lbs. Week 10 Dead-lifted 218 lbs.

Mile time decreased by 1:10; I can jump higher, but not high enough; I set personal records with two Olympic movements, the snatch (75 lbs.) and the dead lift (218 lbs.).

I raised the roof at the Arnold Classic in the Convention Center snatching like I never knew I could with my strong and beautiful friends!  I hung out at an athlete after party as an athlete! Yeah!  You heard that right! Insanity!

My Family results:

My kids are asking to eat less junk and more protein and green things.   My kids noticed my physical changes and told me! :) They began to ask me not IF but when I was working out every day! We are much more focused on the good stuff instead of everything else.  They have been drawn into the fit mindset instead of coerced!  The way everything should be. Caught!

What I have learned from this gift of 10 weeks of hard work, discipline and results?

I am so very worth it all.  I am worth even more.  My kids and their future are worth beyond it all.

My reflections: (A good teacher always reflects!)

I could have done better and become stronger, even though this is the first time in my life -I can remember anyway ;) staying on track with diet and exercise with the goal of changing my lifestyle not just losing weight.

Regrets: Why did I wait so long?? Who knows the answer to that except me...I know what my excuses have been in the past and what wasn't there before.....

Determination and Community.

I can't say it enough, without community we are not going very far...we can't do it alone.  We can only get so far and then we need a hand, a leg up, a push, a smile, a hug and a word. Or in my case one more band on the pull up bar! Innovative ideas for things to jump on! Someone to run alongside me to keep my mind off the bricks I am carrying or the sled I am pulling or the mile I am about to run...in order to get me out of my head, "it’s a bad neighborhood in there" :)

And the END is nowhere in sight:

This challenged me; the mom, the daughter, the teacher and the friend...the switch flipped and I realized what it feels like to fight for me, my health and my families’ health.  Similar to the Israelites when they crossed the Jordan into their new land; God did not do all the work for them; they had to fight for their new beginning.  Yes, there were many days when I thought diet coke and carbs were the answer, I wanted to head back to Egypt where it was easier to just accept mediocrity; seems to work for many in our world today, why not me, this hard work is taxing, and time consuming! And it takes so much personal energy and commitment, is it really going to be worth it?

And like the Israelites, this is my pile of rocks, my results.  After they crossed the Jordan they made a pile of rocks to remember how far they had come.  This challenge is a pile of rocks for me to remember what I have accomplished, what I can do, and how God helped me to stay committed without giving up, not perfectly, but not quitting. He gave me an amazing community, coaches and friends on the sidelines!  He doesn’t expect perfection, He just wants me to fight for what He has led me to and He fights with me, while I step into it, afraid, but doing it anyway.  Every time I hear 3-2-1- GO I am afraid! Afraid of leaving what I know works and moving into something I am not sure of, but need deeply in my life.  What good is it if I can’t be a part of the fight for my new beginning of sorts? What good is it if we simply get handed our successes and never meet failure? Strength, growth and results come from these things, we know this, but when it comes time, OUR time, we balk at the open door, the breakthrough and back off for numerous reasons.  “Life is working pretty well right now, why change it?” “People may see me fail and I don’t want them to see my weaknesses”, or “I just don’t think I have the time to put into it the way I need to and if I do this I am going to go all the way”!  

So I have crossed my “Jordan” of physical fitness, so to speak, I am building my pile of “rocks” results and I don’t want to go back.  Even as I type this I think oh man....did you just put that in writing!?!?!  Yeah! I did....I am committed and part of commitment to me involves community.  If my friends don't know what I am trying for then they can't share in my struggles or my triumphs!  And they can’t help me!

Recommendations:

That nagging feeling inside you that just won't go away that says, “It's time!” Listen to it...and make the time.....

No matter what the “IT” is -that it’s time for….if it’s challenging you to make change  - letting go of things that are comfortable but not helping you become a better stronger version of you- do it!

You are worth the fight, the struggles and the triumphs. 

Get with community; make your commitments and start to cross into your new “land” knowing this:

You aren’t expected to be better than everyone else, just to be a better version of you!  

Leave mediocrity behind.  Change your address. Cross your “Jordan”.   I am already here and the view is amazing! We are in this together and I need you with me….

No.  Matter.  What.  

WE were born into the fight…..it is never going to be easy (moving into 2012)

My life has two things in it because of the obedience of others to their callings in their lives. Brian Hardin and Mitch Potterf and the communities surrounding them. So many times I have heard this metaphor of working out compared to heart work. I can honestly say I am doing both as of 2011. In 2008 I began a journey in a dark time in my life. I began reading God’s word in community every day and completed my first year of reading the Bible cover to cover. I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn’t recognize myself anymore, things were changing in the landscape of my heart and I couldn’t get enough. In 2011, I began working out in community. Again, I had no idea what I was in for; so much more than a workout. Just like reading the Bible cover to cover is more than just words, working out in community is more than just getting your heart rate up!

I wouldn’t be doing either one in the same way if Brian and Mitch would have brushed off obedience to their callings. Brian heard God’s voice to podcast the Bible in 2006. He started without knowing where it was going or what God was up to. Mitch was tired of coaching people who didn’t want to put it all in! So he answered his calling and built a community where people don’t settle for easy anymore.

Both men’s obedience has made a difference in my life and countless others. I am now blessed with two communities I can call family. Both are global and both are close to me in my everyday life. Both challenge me in my life. Both are good for me and keep me from staying in a comfortable way of life. I don’t want to be the same me tomorrow; I don’t want to be numb while I am here on this earth, physically or spiritually. I desire to be a new and better me. I never want to settle.

I have now read God’s word four years in a row, cover to cover, by opening it up daily with Brian Hardin, a record producer, leading the way as the Founder of the Daily Audio Bible. He and all of the DAB listeners are now my family. It isn’t always easy to carve out 30 minutes a day, but it’s always worth it, because God speaks to me and I have clarity of mind. I am a better version of me every day.

I have been a part of Mitch Potterf’s Cross Fit community at Ohio Fit Club since June 2011. It is not always easy to show up to the workout of the day (WOD). The WOD always pushes me to places I never thought I would go in my physical abilities. It is Me vs. Me. What I bring to the WOD matters. I need to be all in for me and my community at Fit Club in order to succeed. I am a better version of me after every WOD.

Today I can say I honestly don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. This is because God’s word every day for 4 years has changed deep agreements I had about me that were lies. I was living out things I had been told about Leslie. Things that were not true. Through God’s word I realized these agreements needed to be rejected and I needed to begin to replace them with God’s truth about Leslie and God's truth about God. During 2011 I could hear God asking me to give Him more of me. My community at Ohio Fit club was the next thing. God reversed the negative agreements in my life, exchanged them with truth, so I could walk into Ohio Fit Club ready to act on more healthy changes in my life. These are the pieces of Leslie being changed from the inside out.

I pray that you will not settle. I pray that you will get out of your own way in order to be the best you, you can be. It’s a process, a journey. Always obstacles, challenges, defeats, victories and all the rest in between. These are not excuses to give up on the better version of you, these are reasons to be on the journey, wide awake! I extend an invitation to you to listen to the Daily Audio Bible. Just give it a month and see what you think. I can promise you won’t be the same. I hope you can hang around for the 12 months and then you can say you finished the Bible with the community. We need each other.

I also extend you an invitation to my Cross Fit community, if you are close by and if not look for one in your area. There truly is nothing like working out with a group of people that are like minded and never settle for easy. We need each other.

We are all in different spots in our lives. We are at different physical health and different spiritual health. This year in our Daily Audio Bible Community our word for the year 2012 is Shift. In our Cross Fit community we have a saying, “Make Shi(f)t happen”. God wants to Shift things on the inside. It’s not a promise for rainbows and happy endings all wrapped up neatly in a present with a red bow. It’s a promise of shift happening. He will make it happen, but He needs us to be a part of the process. It will be gritty and messy. It will be a battle, because nothing worth having is easy.

Onward.

We are worth the fight. You are worth the fight. Act on it in 2012.




https://www.dailyaudiobible.com/

http://ohiofitclub.com/

I Will Wait

I Will Wait

You are now a part of.......

"the most influential societies of the world. What kind of power you ask?" And can you guess where I saw this? I joined the blizzard club at DQ! Yea they got power, advertising power. How many times have I driven past a DQ withOUT stopping for a blizzard? In the winter, but they are CLOSED!!

Today I find myself reading this in my email because I really just joined last night. I was headed out to get blizzards and gas and was hoping to find a coupon if I joined. NOPE! So then I listen to Dailyaudiobible podcast today and Brian is talking about the Windfarm and how it is part of a global movementt of the most powerful prayer movement in history. He said that is very cool, we need to keep our eyes on the ball. Hellow the ball, not the blizzard. The ball would represent God in this situation. ;The blizzard represents food. Obeying, focusing on Him, not the food, not the next thing that may or may not make me feel good. BUT GOD!

Funny isn't, it, how we buy into this whole idea of being influenced by food. How can food run our lives? How can it this thing with no ability to fling itself into our mouths, run our lives, run our minds amuck and convince us without it or with it, THIS IS THE only way to our destination of being accepted. We won't get there. Not on that path. We know this. I know this!!

So I guess I am speaking to myself. Wake up Leslie. Get a grip. Where do you want to go and which path is the best way there. I believe choosing to seek His face, walk humbly with Him, pray on my face, confessing along the way, not staying in confessing, but accepting his forgiveness in order to move on and live in Freedom. I want my "land" healed! I want to claim the "land" of my body again.

So another new beginning in the last second.....maybe and that is totally cool with Him. I hear Him saying....NICE!

Hebrews 5:7

Hebrews 5:7

"In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety."

I love this about Jesus. He is so real, crying out asking God for everything, even in the midst of going to the cross. He never turned His back on His Father. He knew God His Father was going to allow great suffering in His future. Suffering we can't begin to imagine, and yet He modeled how to stay close to God in the midst of such great circumstances that would look like God isn't there and is turning His back on Him. He continued on in communication with His Father. He didn't develop an attitude or change His direction or decide to just give up. He stayed close to His Father and waited for Him to guide Him through every step of the way. All for us, undeserving of so much, but yet He did it anyway.

He models this beautifully and lovingly as if to say, "I understand my dear child, your suffering hurts, you circumstances are difficult, but I love you so much I went through and walked out my own suffering so you could see you can do it and you will claim victory when it is all said and done. Walk victoriously, as if you already have come through the fire, do the next right thing, while you are crying out to Your Father, Abba Father, the One who loves you so much, it is indescribable."

I love Jesus and how no matter what my life looks like, He knows and He shows me how to navigate it all!

I need a Genesis Week!

Psalm 51

^1-3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.

^4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I've been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you're after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

^7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

^16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice.

^18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in,
repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
Then you'll get real worship from us,
acts of worship small and large,
Including all the bulls
they can heave onto your altar!


Wow! I need a Genesis week in the midst of my chaos! Please God give me a fresh start. I just want one more chance to do what you are asking me to do. I am so tired of Leslie...She is a loser and needs to be covered in the latitude of your grace. You are the molder, the potter the shaper of everything. I need You to perform a miracle here. Form a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. I know You can do this, it's a small thing for You to make a new beginning, a fresh start for me, this is what You do, from the beginning in Genesis. It's all about You and a fresh start, a new morning, a new sunrise, a new season...I need it all and then some. I ask for fresh wind in my sails. I love the beach, the breeze and both of those refresh me, so Lord bring on the Your fresh wind in my sails, I desparately need You breathing into my life. You are Holy God and You are always there for me to fill me up. I ask humbly for a job teaching the rebels Your ways so the lost can find their way home. Please Heavenly Father, I love You so much and trust You with all this.

Leslie, the loser, covered in Grace, Praise God!

All my hard work is not yielding anything....

Lev 25: 19-20 "I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit."
I was thinking today about all that is in these verses for me today. Verse 21 goes on to say and if you don't listen to God, guess what, things are going to get worse. So it's like I am in a hole dug by Leslie, and I can either get out now with a hand up, or dig deeper and then I am going to need more than a hand, an entire crew may need to show up! So pride is my issue today. It's easy to write about it, hard to admit, even harder to live with the consequences of it. I am embarrassed to say that I allowed pride to take root in my life and now here I sit on the sidelines of my own life, watching my friends, collegues move forward. It's a crappy feeling, knowing they are finishing before me. Pride again!

So I am so tired of running in my own strength and God has made it harder for me to run:

All my hard work in my education is not yielding anything in the classroom. People are questioning my very knowledge of the content. It's because God is not allowing me to move forward because of my pride. Wow!!
I can say I know how this feels, it takes all my energy. So enough rambling. I am going to start over today and see what God has for me next. I feel a breakthrough today and am so thankful that God rescued me again. I wonder if He ever gets tired of rescuing Leslie from herself?

I feel like God is breaking my stubborn pride right now. I feel my
strength is spent in vain, for nothing, so I took myself out of the
game. Or God did, but nonetheless, I am out. So I see verse 21 if I
remain hostile or refuse to listen to God right now, it's only going to
get worse. I am not safely under His wing. So my question to myself is
why would I continue not to listen to Him? I feel like I am
experiencing all of this in these two verses. I want to listen to God,
so I must get back on track today. I do feel like I have enemies right
now, the people in the school of EDU, my supervisor and my cooperating
teacher. It didn't matter how hard I tried to teach correctly, I
couldn't do it. I was too prideful about my own strength. Still trying
to prove that even though I have been left behind, I am strong. I am
learning the lesson of not doing it in my own strength. I am not sure
this has ever been so crystal clear to me. I actually can say I can
feel how it feels now. Inside my very being, I am struggling, but can't
get anywhere. Even in my own home. And with my own kids. Wow! God is
tenting among me, but I have somehow passed by the tabernacle for many
weeks now, trying to run on my own strength. Not even looking to the
fire or the cloud to see which way they are headed. Determined to get
my goals my way, my direction, not His. I guess I AM on the scenic
route. 3 weeks ago, my life was moving along in the wrong direction. I
ignored God speaking to my heart and here I am experiencing
consequences, just as His word says. My reputation could have been
ruined as a teacher and my career up in smoke. I am so thankful to be
here at His feet this morning and hearing Him again. I wasn't
listening. Seeking but setting all the wisdom aside for later. Now I am
ready to move forward, with less of me, not running on pride or my own
strength, for I am only what He has made me, or given me. I am His
period! I am ready now Lord, show me what is next, no matter what this
looks like, I trust You. Amen

He reached for my hand and said, "Baby, you are gonna get the whole package!"

The whole package? Really? I don't have to settle? You are not holding back on me? Honestly? Because I have been hearing that maybe you don't love me like you say,and You are holding back on me. Maybe You have forgotten about me or decided not to finish with me and I just get what I need on my own. But if You mean what You say, and I'm gonna get the whole package...then I will wait...Wait on You...

Waiting is not my specialty at all. Matter of fact I think the line for patience was so long I just moved on to the next thing. So lately I am trying to protect my mind in Christ Jesus, but in order to do that I need to go to Him and then He protects my mind. Happy New Year...I was with a friend in the hospital a while ago. We were holding hands after surgery with grateful hearts and he said something that made me think about God...We were talking about New Years Eve and I was asking if I could get a kiss and maybe we could grab a bite that night, if he was feeling better by then. He was in for unexpected surgery with no family in town, so he was stuck with me to help him. Yea, I know, what was God thinking?? :) Anyway, he responded with a glint in his over medicated eyes, Baby you are going to get the "whole package". I thought *Wow!* He went on to say, we would get dressed up, go to a nice dinner and maybe some dancing! And he promised I would get a kiss! This got me to thinking about God and what He has for me, as my friend was still so tired because he had just come up from recovery, he fell back to sleep. So I sat with him and considered, God and what His "whole package" looks like for me. Hmmm...well He does know all my hearts desires, and He does love me more that I can imagine, so I wonder.....what is in His mind for me? I need more time to consider this....In the meantime, it was cool to wait with my friend as he recovered. I was able to spend time with God while sitting and waiting for my friend to wake up. It's funny how holding hands with a close friend, while they sleep brings my mind to God and how He chose me to be there. Maybe that is part of the total package for me. Getting to be there, just Be there for a friend, it certainly made my heart full. So the package isn't one thing, it's dinner, dancing and a kiss! And God could have other choices too, that can be added on as I go!





2 cor 2:11 josh 21:45 hebrews 11:17 2 peter 1:4 john 16:23 2 cor 1:20

"It's honeymoon season ya know!"

(I am just now catching up with my blog...it's been a God driven summer!)

Yea, well, I am officially freaked out! I am going on a honeymoon with Jesus. I am going to be teaching English in Tahiti on the island of Moorea and then off to Sydney, Australia where I will be meeting with mums through the Mom's In Touch ministry.
You know, last May when the Pastor from England came to our church asking for help teaching English this summer, I immediately put my name on the list, because I am finishing my BA in English along with getting certified to teach high school English amid crazy circumstances--God made a way. Then the details unfolded and He provided for all the things for me to go. I told Mom's In Touch I was leaving the country and they ask me if I could go to Sydney, that the women there could really use some encouragement and prayer as they set the foundations for this ministry there. I ask God, He made a way....

So God did all this. As I am finishing up a summer course early to go, still in the midst of getting my 16 yr old son to be in a place of restoration, counseling and schooling, (he refuses to speak with his dad after our divorce and has quit life) and leaving my own home in some sort of order, I am beginning to feel pressure. Not to mention I have come up against some serious temptations in my personal life in the last month. God has brought me to this point and I know He will deliver me. I also have no place to sleep yet in Tahiti, so I am trusting God for this minor detail.

The cool stuff going on is this. God told me He was taking me on a honeymoon of a lifetime. And then confirmed it a week later through my travel agent. I was getting ready for church one morning and this thought came into my mind about a honeymoon with Jesus. After coming through adultery and other junk it made me feel special that God would do this for me, my heart felt touched and I ask God is this really you saying this to me? And then my travel agent called the next week and said, "Leslie, I am having a hard time finding you flights....you know, it's honeymoon season!" I had tears in my eyes, as I responded with certainty, "I know, but I only need one seat!" So God loves me just the way I am, and confirms this theme for Our trip! Very cool!

While I am in Tahiti I will be teaching day and evening classes, on the beach sometimes!!! wow! It is about connections, not changing the world, just making connections with people who need to learn English and using scripture to teach them, in hope and prayer that someday they would chose Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We are working through a church there.

In Sydney, I am meeting with mums to pray for their schools and children just like I do here once or twice a week for my own children and schools. This is something that is special to me, because this ministry helped me to understand the power of prayer.

Also while I am in Sydney, I am hooking up with two new friends, that I have never met face to face. God has provided both of the friendships and I can't wait to meet them.

I am gone from aug 8th to aug 26th. I am just a single mom, regular woman, daughter, student and friend heading out....with my husband, Jesus Christ...

This is how it all started...

Last May, there was a pastor from England, in our church, asking for volunteers who could help him teach English to immigrants all over the world. He and his wife have a vision and are asking for others to help them see it through. My major in school is English, I am also getting certified to teach in English. I didn't even think about it, before I knew it after the service I was talking to Him and putting my name on the list. He said it may be we need you right here in Connecticut this summer but....are you willing to go to England or South Korea? I just looked into his eyes and said "Yes". I am a single mom with three kids, in school, not sure what God is doing....but you know, He has provided me the finances to finish my degree and certification in the midst of really painful circumstances. All this time...I have been thanking Him for making a way for me to finish my education so I can provide for me and my kids, by simply becoming a high school english teacher. At that moment standing in front of that Pastor, I realized, His plans are beyond all that I could imagine. He just wants me to put my name on the list. So I did and as I walked out of church that day, I said nothing to no one, I just felt free.

The Wrong Train

Have you ever made a wrong turn? A wrong choice? How about getting on the wrong train? Getting on the wrong train is not a good feeling. I knew immediately what I had done. I was headed south instead of north. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I thought, well, I can sit here and cry in my stupidity and take even longer to get home or just get up and be ready to get off the train at the next stop! As I rose, I could feel all eyes on me. I knew they knew. I felt stupid, but had to face the embarrassment in order to get home. I had to admit I made a mistake! As I stood next to the door, the business man near me said, "You got on the wrong train didn't you?" Was it that obvious? I thought, I nodded and then he said this, "Just get off at the next stop and turn around, you will get where you are going." Wow! How simple he made it sound. Acknowledging my mistake, and doing something about it quickly was the answer.

I felt comfort in that. Like I feel when God asks me to turn to Him. But why do I wait so long to turn when God, my Heavenly Father asks me to? I learned a lesson in getting on the wrong train. That just because your train is late, doesn't necessarily mean it is the next train coming into the station. Sometimes in the waiting, you still have to make sure it is the One! So look and make sure it is headed in the right direction. Also getting back on track can take some work. I had to take 4 metros to get to another Amtrak headed north. I was in Washington DC, alone, well with God, but alone, tired and so frustrated with Leslie.

Work to get back on track...that is like my walk with God I thought, I try my way and sometimes don't really think it makes a difference if I go home a different way than God has ask me to go. He wants me home, but He wants to make me more like Him in the process, so I must take certain tracks or tests to get there and be more like Him. As I was carting my bags through 4 metros and the Amtrak station, I wanted to dump the baggage, but I must carry it with me. Unlike my walk with God, I had to bring home my stuff. Thank you Jesus, I can leave my baggage behind at the cross and move much quicker to get home to You!

Then I reach the train that will take me home, home to my kids and my bed. As I sit down, I feel relief that I am on my way. I can now relax and let the engineer get me home, because I know I am on the right track, I just have to be ready for whoever or whatever comes along while riding down the track. I met a woman who was a professor in Science. She was nice and we spoke about Jesus some as she explained her need to go to church, but not a need to read the Bible. She was so nice to sit next too and she encouraged me in my walk in education to accomplish my final goal, being a teacher.

Then she got off in New Jersey and I still had 4 hours to go. To my surprise, God has yet another person for me to meet. I was tired and not really looking to continue in conversation, but there he was sitting down across the aisle. After the conductor came through confirming our destinations, he leans across the aisle and says, "Hartford?" "Yes" I respond...and from there on the conversation grew. I didn't expect this, but isn't that just like God, to take us on 4 metros and another train to cross paths with someone special.

So getting on the wrong train...is more work, more connections, more God than I expected. I ask Him into my day, and He showed up, despite my lack of attention to details, like which direction the train was headed. He saved me a seat on another train, but not until I wasted time from my mistake, and learning a lesson. And with that seat He had a gift for me, a new friend, a new conversation, a new connection. I learned that God shows up no matter if miss my train, He has another seat saved for me, I just have to get there!

His soul is at stake.....

A friend of mine wrote this to me, along with other powerful words. This sentence became embedded in my mind and heart as I contemplated this entire message from a friend who prays for me and my children. I can't get away from it. Previously in the week, friends had prayed that I would pray more and in fact reach out to the situation that was kicking me in the shins. I rejected that idea, in prayer even, it was such the opposite that my heart felt. Then this friend comes along with this short sentence, "His soul is at stake". My heart aches deep inside, I haven't been praying in this way, I haven't been even thinking in this direction. I have been busy waiting to see consequences fall and then I would go back to praying for souls. Enemies, they bring us to our knees. Jesus knew this and in advance instructs us on how to pray for our enemies, but with the instruction comes the "I do" part.

In Luke 6:35 Jesus said, "But love your enemies and do good and lend expecting nothing in return and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men."

When writing lessons plans for students, teachers have to have three parts in how they will approach teaching the "how" part of the lesson. First part is the "I do" part, the students watch the teacher model the task or new skill. The next step is the "We do" part, which is when the teacher does the skill with the student and looks on each student as they try following the teacher's instructions on their own and helps with feedback.
Finally, there is the "You do" part, and this is where the student does the task by themselves, while the teacher is near by for help if needed.

I am so thankful that Jesus doesn't just tell me what to do, but He modeled it for me. He then goes even farther to come alongside me to make sure I understand the concept He has taught me. And finally He never leaves me and always has feedback for my efforts in modeling His task that He has given me to apply to my life. Jesus wants me to succeed and knew in advance how hard this would be, loving your enemies. He asks me to not only love them, but show them love. He did this for everyone. He loved the kind and the ungrateful and went to the cross for all kinds, knowing in advance whether they would choose Him.

Modeling Jesus is the single hardest thing I have ever tried to do, moreover even in the situations with my enemies. Which part of the lesson is hard for me? That would be the "You do" part. I am thankful for the people in my life that remind me, Jesus didn't come to make my life easy, but He came to call me into less of me and more of Him. He knows exactly how to do that in me. He does His work with love, compassion and truth. And He is more than happy to start the lesson over with the "I do" part....

Jesus thank you for never giving up on me.

King of Glory by Third Day

Who is this King of Glory.......He is everything to me....Join with me and praise our God for who He is....The song is on my player, you can flip to it and listen at the same time...A moment of praise......and You will be blessed beyond measure...

Who is this King of Glory that pursues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me
Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and Son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart The King of glory
Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings
The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me

The view is incredible!

And I have just begun my journey up the Mountain of God. I can't imagine the view from the top. I have been on many hikes to the top of many mountains, in varying sizes. I climbed Mt Rainer once, well just the easy path. Not to the very top, but the view from close to the base was incredible. I wasn't in shape or ready for the climb to 14,000 feet up to the top. It takes training to get to that point. I wasn't willing to go through the training, I didn't think the view was going to be worth it I guess, or maybe I just didn't believe I had what it took, and I was probably right. So I settled for the view from close to the bottom, but even that was amazing, how much more would the view from the top be?

Now God is calling me through the valleys and up the side of His Mountain. He has been calling for quite some time, and I just kept saying "Later, God, I am busy here, planning my life." Not anymore, not today, not tomorrow, NOW I am ready to climb. I have been in the valley long enough, I am desperate for that view from the top. You know, the feeling you get when you reach the top of that 1900 foot climb, ahhhh, wow, the wind is in your hair, the landscape breaks out into view and you stand in amazement that you are so small in the vastness of all that you see in that 360 degree view from the top. You ask yourself, why did you wait so long to take this hike, the view is so incredible. And you never want to come down! So you try to memorize all the details of the view from what you see to how you feel.

God's mountain is what I want to climb now, Yes I have to go through the valley first, yes the One who goes before me will help me. I have been in the valley for some time now. I guess there is the option for some climbs to fly to the top. You know, maybe a helicopter or small plane could bring you up. But they won't take off from the valley! They will take off from a distant air strip, not the valley I am in now, it isn't appropriate for a runway, many forests, rocks, creeks, ponds, fallen trees, the valley has it's own challenges. So to take off from the airstrip far away, would be to miss the valley. How much more amazing is the top of that mountain peak , after you have been in the valley? How much more satisfying? How much more do we learn about the One who is in the valley with us? The Helicopter ride would be short, not a lot of time for conversation. Just up to the top and down again. The plane can't land on the top, no room. So you can't "feel" the Mountain top, only view the top, which isn't the same through the view of a small plane window, compared to the view standing on the top. Where you get to see the view and how far you came to get there.

I am getting my boots on today...no more excuses...I am just at the base, but even just these few feet up, I am amazed at the view of the Mountain of God, I can't wait to get to the top. It may take the rest of my life, but it's about the journey and when I reach the top, along with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I hope and pray I have someone to share it with, because well, I just do....

I am confident of this.....

10 years ago I would have finished that statement with self.....5 years ago I would have finished that statement with something about my future....2 years ago I couldn't have finished that statement....last year I would have finished it with self-pity and sorrow....today...tonight I can finish this statement with "He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I ever forsake you." (Heb13:5b). God is so good to me...you see He would finish that statement the same yesterday, today and forever, because He is God and never changes. I am the one that changes with my circumstances. I am the one that says, " Really, are You sure You are going to be faithful again...I mean it doesn't look like it, and why is it taking so long? Why all the waiting?
Hebrews 13:6 says this, "So that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"

I guess my question is what happens when I am not believing in what He can do in my life? I have the past faithfulness to look and see and hold in my heart. It is there, and yet I still get into that place of disbelief, like He is all out of faithfulness this time and surely this is it for me, I must have done something to deserve this discipline of waiting. As I think about these things, I feel bad that I am not living that life of faith that so many before me, in front of me and around me are doing and have done. I wonder what is the secret, it seems others don't get off track...but here I am...
As I question and wonder, God brings me these verses in Proverbs 4: 25,26,27

"Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."

These verses give me step by step directions on how to stay focused on the confidence in the Lord. I am guilty of looking to the right and to the left, and then calling out to God as if He left me and I had no choice this time. When actually, He never left me, I looked away and lost my focus. I became overcome with my situation again and this time went to the left to take a closer look at those details, instead of the details of Him and His character and Faithfulness straight in front of me.

In the midst of learning again, to stay focused on Him, I want to shorten the hard part of waiting, waiting on Him to show me what is next. I want to know in a deeper way, so that it penetrates my heart and overcomes the battle in my mind; that just because my circumstances take over my focus, that He is still there, never leaving me or forsaking me, and still holding me like no other can....thank goodness for His grace...I want to get back up again quicker this time and fix my eyes on Him...

Choice A: Good pain : Choice B: Bad pain

I really don't to want either, but if I have to chose, well I guess I am learning that the good pain is more productive, even though it hurts...greatly. So in my group, well, I will not reveal real names, but let's just say that we all are in the learning process. Each of us needs the support for us to grow. There is something about accountability when attempting to grow in good pain and not to go back to the bad pain patterns. So what is pain anyway and why do we have to experience it. The definition of pain according to the Oxford English Dictionary is "The state or condition of consciousness arising from mental or physical suffering; distress; an instance of this." What I like about this definition is that it includes mental suffering, not just physical. This word was first recorded in 1375 and spelled "payne".

So with this background information I can look at my pain in a fresh way, sort of like wow, I am going to be conscious when I experience it! I am going to feel it! I will remember it!! So then I can help someone in their journey because I remember! Like Jesus, when Peter tried to get him to avoid suffering, Jesus calls us to embrace it. Matt 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." So we can't just confess that Jesus is the Messiah, but we must understand that this also involves suffering and death. We have to realize that we are going to pay the same price. We don't know the extent of the suffering, but we know we will suffer. So how do we go through it? Jesus went through it without sin and with obedience. Heb 5:7-8 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered."

Now we chose good pain over bad pain, because that is the only choice, there is no option C. It is either A or B and how to know the difference. Well the bad pain comes from repeating old patterns. Say for example, I am always screaming "Victim" "I am the victim." I will view my entire life through that lens and always wake up in pain, bitterness, anger and all the while my heart just can't experience joy, no matter what I do. No one tells me, "Leslie you are just repeating the same patterns, move on, let go, you must face your own character faults." And reminding me, with love, I should be looking at my suffering with the question, "what can I learn from this?"

I believe Jesus meant for the church to do this for each other. The hard stuff of confronting in love, accountability. Of course it is not easy, but love isn't described as easy!
These are just a few examples of how I can grow in a good way through pain:

Take risks being more honest
Taking risks in relational confrontation
Dealing with trauma and pain from the past
Learning to grieve
Learning to forgive
Learning to reconcile difficult relationships


Now the bottom line on pain? I like to think of it this way, sort of like going to the gym with the ultimate trainer. You see at the gym,you are paying the trainer to get you in shape. Is the trainer going to say, "oh you know, your stomach is fine, let's just leave it, you seem to be okay with it and the work will be just too hard!" My experience is the experts never are satisfied with leaving anything as is and are there to challenge you to be better!

So yes, you guessed it we have spiritual muscles! And guess what? God, the expert, loves me more than my personal trainer! (I know, Shock!) So why are we surprised knowing that Jesus suffered and that our spiritual muscles only grow through pain, like our physical muscles! And God doesn't want to leave us "going through the motions" on the treadmill of life, He wants us all, completely, given up to Him. Yes, you guessed it again, we can't learn that if we just chose to stay on the treadmill and never go out and try the other machines and classes!

Let's embrace the pain, so that we too can experience more of Him in our lives and then learn how to stop the pain that comes from addictions, repeating old patterns, avoiding growth and the pain that comes from avoiding pain. Most importantly help others through their pain by giving them hope, the Hope of Jesus!

Don't be a reluctant sufferer like Peter, take the challenge and strengthen those spiritual muscles! Join me, the cost of this membership is priceless!

Someone has to go first.....

Yep...someone has to go first. It's life. It's hard, but it's life. In any situation, whether it is in the grocery line, the gas station, weigh in (yech), roller coaster ride, reading aloud in class, the exercise in gym class, the prayer request and yes the confession. God says someone has to go first. We go first, we turn to Him and suddenly He is there, standing right in front of us. Not so hard to go first with God!

All this talk about transparency, confession, real truth, real confession, the sin's we hide and the ones we share has got me thinking about my own experience.

Yes, I agree it stinks when I get transparent first and then others don't. Yes it brings pain, yes it causes tears and yes it could cause a harden heart to not share again. So I don't think the bottom line is not sharing, I think sometimes we share and get burned. Then the result is less transparency. We learn from the past because, well we just do. So the bigger picture is we all have been burned in relationships and God knows this. And so does the enemy!

How do others reach those of us who have been burned? Prayer...it's truly the only way. Sure we can chat a good chat, write a nice post, but really it's prayer. Jesus showed us this. He went first and prayed first. He was hoping we would follow Him. He showed us His transparency right there and laided it out there, knowing full well which one of us would do the same, because He is the All- Knowing God. He still became transparent for us, knowing the future. Is He bitter or sorry He came first because some really broke His heart by not accepting His offer? Brokenhearted, but not bitter, not hard hearted.

So who goes first? The prodigal son did. BUT....his father saw him coming and guess what? He came running towards him. So the son made the turn home and His dad came running. We all want that feeling, to be celebrated by the ones we love. But what if no celebration? What if mundane life is all we got? Does that mean we are not loved or don't have access? No, we always have access to the phone, email, chats and coffee talk, prayer. Listen, as my children grow older and I watch on the sidelines, I see so much I want to change. Should the father have told the prodigal to stay home? "Don't do that son you will regret it" Well I don't know if he did, but it seems it was time for the prodigal to leave, possibly college bound or just moving onto a career. So as the parent, he chooses to say good-bye and hang at home with the other son. Then the homecoming, the father runs to meet him. Runs, not walks, not finishes up what he is doing, he simply RUNS to his son. That is how I am going to feel when the phone rings and it's one my kids calling from their job, college or just life. "Hey mom, life is bad...wanna meet for coffee?" I pray for those calls to come. Answered prayers, that what these are. And I believe that is what it was for the father of the prodigal son. So do I just show up like it's just another day? NO WAY, I am going to be early for that meeting.. dressed for a party, camera and all and I may even bring an inspirational message or book, plus I will definitely be buying the coffee! Most of all I will bring compassion and love, for this is my child returning to me and most importantly Choosing me! How cool is that!

So who goes first....I don't know....but I am still willing no matter the possibility of pain...because EVERY disappointment is an appointment with God. Plus my kids our watching and someday they will come home needing my open heart and compassion. We don't get that way without transparency in our lives.

So whose going first? Are you willing?

Do I have to?

Okay so I like to whine! I am not afraid to be honest here, I do my fair share and God only knows how often. I remember saying this so much when I was younger to my parents, now I hear it from my kids and my own lips to God. I cry out sometimes and say please, there has to be another way. He responds, as my parents did, His way is the best way.

Then one day I was looking into the Garden, you know, where Jesus was asking God if He had to. I don't think He was whining, but it makes me feel better to know that even Jesus said to His Father, "Do I have to?" Hebrews 5: 7-8 says,
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered".
I can't imagine how Jesus had to learn obedience, but it says here He did. So the God I worship actually knows how I feel when I say, "Do I have to watch my children suffer?" Do I have to watch the man I trusted with my heart with another woman?" "Do I have to feel this pain?" "Do I have to believe and trust that your plans are best for me?" "Do I have to, there must be another way."

God, you are so good to us, always holding us during all the storms and showing us more of You. Thank you that You thought of everything, down to telling your only Son that He needed to learn obedience too. You knew that I would need to know this one day in my journey.
In Jesus name I pray with thanksgiving, Amen.

(Taken from the One Year Book of Hope, by Nancy Guthrie)