Someone has to go first.....

Yep...someone has to go first. It's life. It's hard, but it's life. In any situation, whether it is in the grocery line, the gas station, weigh in (yech), roller coaster ride, reading aloud in class, the exercise in gym class, the prayer request and yes the confession. God says someone has to go first. We go first, we turn to Him and suddenly He is there, standing right in front of us. Not so hard to go first with God!

All this talk about transparency, confession, real truth, real confession, the sin's we hide and the ones we share has got me thinking about my own experience.

Yes, I agree it stinks when I get transparent first and then others don't. Yes it brings pain, yes it causes tears and yes it could cause a harden heart to not share again. So I don't think the bottom line is not sharing, I think sometimes we share and get burned. Then the result is less transparency. We learn from the past because, well we just do. So the bigger picture is we all have been burned in relationships and God knows this. And so does the enemy!

How do others reach those of us who have been burned? Prayer...it's truly the only way. Sure we can chat a good chat, write a nice post, but really it's prayer. Jesus showed us this. He went first and prayed first. He was hoping we would follow Him. He showed us His transparency right there and laided it out there, knowing full well which one of us would do the same, because He is the All- Knowing God. He still became transparent for us, knowing the future. Is He bitter or sorry He came first because some really broke His heart by not accepting His offer? Brokenhearted, but not bitter, not hard hearted.

So who goes first? The prodigal son did. BUT....his father saw him coming and guess what? He came running towards him. So the son made the turn home and His dad came running. We all want that feeling, to be celebrated by the ones we love. But what if no celebration? What if mundane life is all we got? Does that mean we are not loved or don't have access? No, we always have access to the phone, email, chats and coffee talk, prayer. Listen, as my children grow older and I watch on the sidelines, I see so much I want to change. Should the father have told the prodigal to stay home? "Don't do that son you will regret it" Well I don't know if he did, but it seems it was time for the prodigal to leave, possibly college bound or just moving onto a career. So as the parent, he chooses to say good-bye and hang at home with the other son. Then the homecoming, the father runs to meet him. Runs, not walks, not finishes up what he is doing, he simply RUNS to his son. That is how I am going to feel when the phone rings and it's one my kids calling from their job, college or just life. "Hey mom, life is bad...wanna meet for coffee?" I pray for those calls to come. Answered prayers, that what these are. And I believe that is what it was for the father of the prodigal son. So do I just show up like it's just another day? NO WAY, I am going to be early for that meeting.. dressed for a party, camera and all and I may even bring an inspirational message or book, plus I will definitely be buying the coffee! Most of all I will bring compassion and love, for this is my child returning to me and most importantly Choosing me! How cool is that!

So who goes first....I don't know....but I am still willing no matter the possibility of pain...because EVERY disappointment is an appointment with God. Plus my kids our watching and someday they will come home needing my open heart and compassion. We don't get that way without transparency in our lives.

So whose going first? Are you willing?

Do I have to?

Okay so I like to whine! I am not afraid to be honest here, I do my fair share and God only knows how often. I remember saying this so much when I was younger to my parents, now I hear it from my kids and my own lips to God. I cry out sometimes and say please, there has to be another way. He responds, as my parents did, His way is the best way.

Then one day I was looking into the Garden, you know, where Jesus was asking God if He had to. I don't think He was whining, but it makes me feel better to know that even Jesus said to His Father, "Do I have to?" Hebrews 5: 7-8 says,
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered".
I can't imagine how Jesus had to learn obedience, but it says here He did. So the God I worship actually knows how I feel when I say, "Do I have to watch my children suffer?" Do I have to watch the man I trusted with my heart with another woman?" "Do I have to feel this pain?" "Do I have to believe and trust that your plans are best for me?" "Do I have to, there must be another way."

God, you are so good to us, always holding us during all the storms and showing us more of You. Thank you that You thought of everything, down to telling your only Son that He needed to learn obedience too. You knew that I would need to know this one day in my journey.
In Jesus name I pray with thanksgiving, Amen.

(Taken from the One Year Book of Hope, by Nancy Guthrie)

New Beginnings

New Beginnings, new starts, new plans, new roles...sounds good to me. I haven't posted in awhile. Haven't felt much like sharing about my situation. I have lots of questions for God in this process of life. But for the first time in a while, on Sunday during the message, I realized, it's okay. My life isn't turning out the way I wanted or thought, God is into new starts and fresh plans. So how does that work minute to minute? Breath to breath?

According to some of the verses from the study in the message on Sunday, 2 Cor 5:17 and John 3:1-3, it means every second the newness begins and walking in that new plan, new role begins. I am so thankful for me that this is truth. That God loves to start over. I guess that is why we wake up to a new day over and over again! He knew!

That is where I am right now, new start. Maybe I screwed up already or maybe I just need to a fresh look at my life. I am headed out a day alone with God. I have a place picked out and will spend about 2-4 hours there just listening to Him.
Iwas challenged to do this by a friend. Until next time...

Lamentatons 3

Over the past six months I have been in these depths of the pit of sorrow, pain, grief, bitterness. They have all been my friends. I have felt my prayers have been shut out and I have been in dark places. I have also felt that my inward parts have been shot, and never have I felt so much pain and anguish before in my life. These thoughts seem disturbing possibly to someone who hasn't experienced them. It may sound as if God forgot about me and my life, maybe He became busy with another idea or project and put me on hold because I was just too pitiful. This could have been how the author of Lamentations felt also. Most of these words are from Chapter 3: 1-20. As I read them over and over again, I realized, I wasn't the first and won't be the last. And I realized at verse 21 that what, there is HOPE?

Well, now the author has my attention, HOPE? After all the depressing feelings, I was with the author on how awful life had become, and then he throws in HOPE? Hey, who canceled the pity party? They didn't tell me, I was set to come and stay awhile, way past midnight for sure!

The author switches gears abruptly, making sure he is not consumed and not forgetting that the Lord's great love and compassion never fail. Truth instead of emotions is a good prescription for grief, despair, deep hurts and pain. Truth gets to the heart, speaks to the heart. Emotions and feelings are not truth, for they are not run on truth generally and need to be stopped, abruptly with truth, hope and love.

Allowing myself to hear this, training my mind to listen to this and learning from it all is a challenge beyond Mt. Everest at times. How to overcome and move to a place where I can say, "This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope" (v 21). Prayer and meditation, support from the body and consistency in the truth are the keys to overcoming the emotions that desire to be heard most of the time. In essence, time with the Lord and listening to His voice even when life is not what I thought.

Seventy times seven

Are you tired? Tired of getting beaten up by the same people? Tired of watching the ones you love get beaten up by ones that say they love the children? The lies, deception and indifference are sold as the truth and covered up with images. Images that are deceiving and used to cheat ones that are trusting. Images that are fake and easily shattered, with only one lie. Selling the indifference as love and caring, the selfishness as justified under the lie that self comes first. Everyone else must get in line. The sacrifice of God's children, children given as a gift, innocent lives, that are just that innocent. Hearts want to believe desperately because, they are told to, and yet deceived even in the midst of trust used to make a point. Coming up against this type of deception is difficult and there can only be victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. He knew deception first hand. He knew ones who said they loved him and then turned Him in. Jesus first words on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Stephan said these same words as he was being stoned. And so we say to the child abusers, emotional abusers, physical abusers, and the hard hearted, " Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." How do we say this without anger, vengeance or hate? We can only say these things because we are in His word, and reading about His love. He loves these people and has a plan for them. Will He forgive them? They will come to Him and He will grant them forgiveness. Because He is love. That is it. Deception, lies and indifference hurts so deep, Jesus knows how deep, never forget that. He knows, He cares and He is on the side of those who are unjustly treated and lied too. The ones that are put in the middle to make a point, the ones who are used and tossed aside. Jesus loves the little children, He wants the children to come to Him. He is their protector. And they will mount up with wings like eagles, with His strength, His power and His strength. For God does not give His children a spirit of fear, but of power and strength. In the end, God wins and justice will be served!

COME…see the Victory we can share…..

Why do you wait for me to COME to you? Is this madness that You wait? I am just a sinner attempting to stay on the path of least resistance. Oh, but attempting in my own strength, this is where the confusion sets in.

You say to COME…not to GO…but to COME…not to hide…You, the God of the universe ask simply for me to COME to You and You will rescue my soul, walk with me and reveal the truth to set me free…So why do I attempt with---out You... when I can succeed with you?

Be Patient, Lord…I will COME to you, in my time,

no…Your time, because Your timing is so perfect in all You do. Emotions, feelings, desires all given to you and You change the attempt to a victory…..Thank you Jesus….Through Your precious blood…if only a drop… Victory….

Praise is a choice

Wondering how you ended up where you are? Feeling as if time is the enemy? Curious if you can ever change or make a difference in other peoples lives as you go through the muck yourself? The answer is simple....Praise the Lord.....that's it....Praise the Lord....It says this over and over in the Psalms...for believers. This action, this choice, this decision, is yours alone. He is waiting for you to make the choice, so He can change your perspective, renew your mind, and show you the big picture. How simple is it to Praise the Lord? Simple...just tell Him how cool He is, How awesome He is to have choosen to give His son for you....How His grace is enough, how His mercy is never ending and how His faithfulness never stops flowing....then stop talking....listen and ponder His character and wait....Wait to see how your life begins to have hope, peace, joy and love....and yes...even in the muck. Pigs are happy in the muck! So how much more can we be with a God that loves us more than the pigs! God allows us into the muck in hopes that we will choose to Praise Him no matter how thick or deep it gets. The muck may change, but God never does. In fact, when we see Him from the muck, how much sweeter His grace and mercy become....So let's do it...Praise the Lord...for the muck and all.....PTL....

Ephesians 3:20

Every morning is a new morning.....every day is another chance to start all over again....putting the past behind you and becoming closer to God and who He wants you to be.....how then to do this.....Prayer and supplication, letting your requests be made known to God. For He is the Jehovah, the El Shaddi and so much more. He is not the distant God when it comes to me and you, he is the near God who cares. So who is this God? How do I get to know His character and love in my life? Step into His presence. Rest there awhile and listen to what He has for me. He wants to be my carrier, my master, my friend and my father. I just have to slow down and be with Him and Him alone.

Praise God that He is a patient God and waits for me and you to come to Him when we choose. Don't wait any longer, because what He has for us is much more than we could ever ask or think of.......

A new day

Today is a new day for me. I am in the middle of an incredibly difficult time in my life. I have tried to change it, control it, ignore it and walk away from it, but it seems I have only one option left. That is to walk through it. Will I be alone? I feel alone and rejected, but am I? I feel left out, pushed aside, but should I live on my feelings? God says "NO!" He is the One to hang on to when things are difficult, painful and full of suffering. Am I the one to say, "Enough!" Sure! Does He hear my prayer? Absolutely. But He is God and knows all things. He knows that He is completing His work in me and what that will take. So as He reaches down to me, I am choosing to take His hand and take care of my buisness, not anyone else's. I am done acting in accordance with my circumstances. He is asking me to rise above, not alone, but with Him. So here I go, again. Feeling like I am in the last seconds and that the game is almost over. Feeling like the losing team. And yet, who can be against me, when God is for me? Is that easy to believe? No. Do I doubt God? No. But I do ask "How?" How will He accomplish all that He has for me and my children in the midst of such pain and suffering, along with me being me. Today I choose to focus on Him, all that He has promised me and my children and go to sleep tonight knowing He is my God, my Father, and my Friend. My protector and my shield. He is the almighty God.