The places in higher education are few and mighty

" A daughter of Love,
Who sits in a field of grace,
Grateful for promise."

I wrote this Haiku in my Multi-cultural literature class last night.  A Haiku has to have 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second and 5 in the last.  We were ask to write about who we are and where we come from.  It's ironic that I wrote this in this class, because of the path the professor has taken this class. My heart has been so stirred up for our children, our students and next generation because of the readings and discussions.  I am concerned for our students and grateful at the same time that professors don't have access to our children at such young ages.

I feel more alone in my pilgrimage of sorts in education and my classroom. I wonder what Jesus would do in this case.  I think He was with similar people who had high thoughts of themselves and simply wanted to get more on their side in order to make their ways the norm.  And when power is involved it's easy to mask the discussion as "open" and "good".

What happened when I gave myself 10 weeks...

10 weeks ago I signed up for a challenge. The Fit Club Challenge at my gym, Ohio Fit Club.

We were awarded 1 point for:

Completing a workout (WOD)

Eating a Paleo, zone meal or a combo of both at each meal

Sleeping 8 hrs/night

Drinking 2L H2O,

Drinking a recovery shake within an hour after work out

Getting 2 hrs. of sunshine/week

Negative points included:

Cheating meals that were not Paleo or Zone

Smoking (-5)

Drinking >2 drinks/week

Chewing tobacco

My personal results:

I changed the way I eat. The way I shop for food. The way I cook for my kids.  Yes I cooked!

I feel stronger, better, healthier, and more coherent with life.  I learned what I needed to do for my own health.  It matters.  I matter.  My choices matter.

My Body composition went down 4% in fat, I dropped 15 lbs.,  Fat free mass went up by 5%.

Week 1: Dead-lifted 207 lbs. Week 10 Dead-lifted 218 lbs.

Mile time decreased by 1:10; I can jump higher, but not high enough; I set personal records with two Olympic movements, the snatch (75 lbs.) and the dead lift (218 lbs.).

I raised the roof at the Arnold Classic in the Convention Center snatching like I never knew I could with my strong and beautiful friends!  I hung out at an athlete after party as an athlete! Yeah!  You heard that right! Insanity!

My Family results:

My kids are asking to eat less junk and more protein and green things.   My kids noticed my physical changes and told me! :) They began to ask me not IF but when I was working out every day! We are much more focused on the good stuff instead of everything else.  They have been drawn into the fit mindset instead of coerced!  The way everything should be. Caught!

What I have learned from this gift of 10 weeks of hard work, discipline and results?

I am so very worth it all.  I am worth even more.  My kids and their future are worth beyond it all.

My reflections: (A good teacher always reflects!)

I could have done better and become stronger, even though this is the first time in my life -I can remember anyway ;) staying on track with diet and exercise with the goal of changing my lifestyle not just losing weight.

Regrets: Why did I wait so long?? Who knows the answer to that except me...I know what my excuses have been in the past and what wasn't there before.....

Determination and Community.

I can't say it enough, without community we are not going very far...we can't do it alone.  We can only get so far and then we need a hand, a leg up, a push, a smile, a hug and a word. Or in my case one more band on the pull up bar! Innovative ideas for things to jump on! Someone to run alongside me to keep my mind off the bricks I am carrying or the sled I am pulling or the mile I am about to run...in order to get me out of my head, "it’s a bad neighborhood in there" :)

And the END is nowhere in sight:

This challenged me; the mom, the daughter, the teacher and the friend...the switch flipped and I realized what it feels like to fight for me, my health and my families’ health.  Similar to the Israelites when they crossed the Jordan into their new land; God did not do all the work for them; they had to fight for their new beginning.  Yes, there were many days when I thought diet coke and carbs were the answer, I wanted to head back to Egypt where it was easier to just accept mediocrity; seems to work for many in our world today, why not me, this hard work is taxing, and time consuming! And it takes so much personal energy and commitment, is it really going to be worth it?

And like the Israelites, this is my pile of rocks, my results.  After they crossed the Jordan they made a pile of rocks to remember how far they had come.  This challenge is a pile of rocks for me to remember what I have accomplished, what I can do, and how God helped me to stay committed without giving up, not perfectly, but not quitting. He gave me an amazing community, coaches and friends on the sidelines!  He doesn’t expect perfection, He just wants me to fight for what He has led me to and He fights with me, while I step into it, afraid, but doing it anyway.  Every time I hear 3-2-1- GO I am afraid! Afraid of leaving what I know works and moving into something I am not sure of, but need deeply in my life.  What good is it if I can’t be a part of the fight for my new beginning of sorts? What good is it if we simply get handed our successes and never meet failure? Strength, growth and results come from these things, we know this, but when it comes time, OUR time, we balk at the open door, the breakthrough and back off for numerous reasons.  “Life is working pretty well right now, why change it?” “People may see me fail and I don’t want them to see my weaknesses”, or “I just don’t think I have the time to put into it the way I need to and if I do this I am going to go all the way”!  

So I have crossed my “Jordan” of physical fitness, so to speak, I am building my pile of “rocks” results and I don’t want to go back.  Even as I type this I think oh man....did you just put that in writing!?!?!  Yeah! I did....I am committed and part of commitment to me involves community.  If my friends don't know what I am trying for then they can't share in my struggles or my triumphs!  And they can’t help me!

Recommendations:

That nagging feeling inside you that just won't go away that says, “It's time!” Listen to it...and make the time.....

No matter what the “IT” is -that it’s time for….if it’s challenging you to make change  - letting go of things that are comfortable but not helping you become a better stronger version of you- do it!

You are worth the fight, the struggles and the triumphs. 

Get with community; make your commitments and start to cross into your new “land” knowing this:

You aren’t expected to be better than everyone else, just to be a better version of you!  

Leave mediocrity behind.  Change your address. Cross your “Jordan”.   I am already here and the view is amazing! We are in this together and I need you with me….

No.  Matter.  What.  

WE were born into the fight…..it is never going to be easy (moving into 2012)

My life has two things in it because of the obedience of others to their callings in their lives. Brian Hardin and Mitch Potterf and the communities surrounding them. So many times I have heard this metaphor of working out compared to heart work. I can honestly say I am doing both as of 2011. In 2008 I began a journey in a dark time in my life. I began reading God’s word in community every day and completed my first year of reading the Bible cover to cover. I had no idea what was happening to me. I didn’t recognize myself anymore, things were changing in the landscape of my heart and I couldn’t get enough. In 2011, I began working out in community. Again, I had no idea what I was in for; so much more than a workout. Just like reading the Bible cover to cover is more than just words, working out in community is more than just getting your heart rate up!

I wouldn’t be doing either one in the same way if Brian and Mitch would have brushed off obedience to their callings. Brian heard God’s voice to podcast the Bible in 2006. He started without knowing where it was going or what God was up to. Mitch was tired of coaching people who didn’t want to put it all in! So he answered his calling and built a community where people don’t settle for easy anymore.

Both men’s obedience has made a difference in my life and countless others. I am now blessed with two communities I can call family. Both are global and both are close to me in my everyday life. Both challenge me in my life. Both are good for me and keep me from staying in a comfortable way of life. I don’t want to be the same me tomorrow; I don’t want to be numb while I am here on this earth, physically or spiritually. I desire to be a new and better me. I never want to settle.

I have now read God’s word four years in a row, cover to cover, by opening it up daily with Brian Hardin, a record producer, leading the way as the Founder of the Daily Audio Bible. He and all of the DAB listeners are now my family. It isn’t always easy to carve out 30 minutes a day, but it’s always worth it, because God speaks to me and I have clarity of mind. I am a better version of me every day.

I have been a part of Mitch Potterf’s Cross Fit community at Ohio Fit Club since June 2011. It is not always easy to show up to the workout of the day (WOD). The WOD always pushes me to places I never thought I would go in my physical abilities. It is Me vs. Me. What I bring to the WOD matters. I need to be all in for me and my community at Fit Club in order to succeed. I am a better version of me after every WOD.

Today I can say I honestly don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. This is because God’s word every day for 4 years has changed deep agreements I had about me that were lies. I was living out things I had been told about Leslie. Things that were not true. Through God’s word I realized these agreements needed to be rejected and I needed to begin to replace them with God’s truth about Leslie and God's truth about God. During 2011 I could hear God asking me to give Him more of me. My community at Ohio Fit club was the next thing. God reversed the negative agreements in my life, exchanged them with truth, so I could walk into Ohio Fit Club ready to act on more healthy changes in my life. These are the pieces of Leslie being changed from the inside out.

I pray that you will not settle. I pray that you will get out of your own way in order to be the best you, you can be. It’s a process, a journey. Always obstacles, challenges, defeats, victories and all the rest in between. These are not excuses to give up on the better version of you, these are reasons to be on the journey, wide awake! I extend an invitation to you to listen to the Daily Audio Bible. Just give it a month and see what you think. I can promise you won’t be the same. I hope you can hang around for the 12 months and then you can say you finished the Bible with the community. We need each other.

I also extend you an invitation to my Cross Fit community, if you are close by and if not look for one in your area. There truly is nothing like working out with a group of people that are like minded and never settle for easy. We need each other.

We are all in different spots in our lives. We are at different physical health and different spiritual health. This year in our Daily Audio Bible Community our word for the year 2012 is Shift. In our Cross Fit community we have a saying, “Make Shi(f)t happen”. God wants to Shift things on the inside. It’s not a promise for rainbows and happy endings all wrapped up neatly in a present with a red bow. It’s a promise of shift happening. He will make it happen, but He needs us to be a part of the process. It will be gritty and messy. It will be a battle, because nothing worth having is easy.

Onward.

We are worth the fight. You are worth the fight. Act on it in 2012.




https://www.dailyaudiobible.com/

http://ohiofitclub.com/

I Will Wait

I Will Wait

You are now a part of.......

"the most influential societies of the world. What kind of power you ask?" And can you guess where I saw this? I joined the blizzard club at DQ! Yea they got power, advertising power. How many times have I driven past a DQ withOUT stopping for a blizzard? In the winter, but they are CLOSED!!

Today I find myself reading this in my email because I really just joined last night. I was headed out to get blizzards and gas and was hoping to find a coupon if I joined. NOPE! So then I listen to Dailyaudiobible podcast today and Brian is talking about the Windfarm and how it is part of a global movementt of the most powerful prayer movement in history. He said that is very cool, we need to keep our eyes on the ball. Hellow the ball, not the blizzard. The ball would represent God in this situation. ;The blizzard represents food. Obeying, focusing on Him, not the food, not the next thing that may or may not make me feel good. BUT GOD!

Funny isn't, it, how we buy into this whole idea of being influenced by food. How can food run our lives? How can it this thing with no ability to fling itself into our mouths, run our lives, run our minds amuck and convince us without it or with it, THIS IS THE only way to our destination of being accepted. We won't get there. Not on that path. We know this. I know this!!

So I guess I am speaking to myself. Wake up Leslie. Get a grip. Where do you want to go and which path is the best way there. I believe choosing to seek His face, walk humbly with Him, pray on my face, confessing along the way, not staying in confessing, but accepting his forgiveness in order to move on and live in Freedom. I want my "land" healed! I want to claim the "land" of my body again.

So another new beginning in the last second.....maybe and that is totally cool with Him. I hear Him saying....NICE!

Hebrews 5:7

Hebrews 5:7

"In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety."

I love this about Jesus. He is so real, crying out asking God for everything, even in the midst of going to the cross. He never turned His back on His Father. He knew God His Father was going to allow great suffering in His future. Suffering we can't begin to imagine, and yet He modeled how to stay close to God in the midst of such great circumstances that would look like God isn't there and is turning His back on Him. He continued on in communication with His Father. He didn't develop an attitude or change His direction or decide to just give up. He stayed close to His Father and waited for Him to guide Him through every step of the way. All for us, undeserving of so much, but yet He did it anyway.

He models this beautifully and lovingly as if to say, "I understand my dear child, your suffering hurts, you circumstances are difficult, but I love you so much I went through and walked out my own suffering so you could see you can do it and you will claim victory when it is all said and done. Walk victoriously, as if you already have come through the fire, do the next right thing, while you are crying out to Your Father, Abba Father, the One who loves you so much, it is indescribable."

I love Jesus and how no matter what my life looks like, He knows and He shows me how to navigate it all!

I need a Genesis Week!

Psalm 51

^1-3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down.

^4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I've been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you're after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

^7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don't look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don't throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I'll let loose with your praise.

^16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice.

^18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in,
repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
Then you'll get real worship from us,
acts of worship small and large,
Including all the bulls
they can heave onto your altar!


Wow! I need a Genesis week in the midst of my chaos! Please God give me a fresh start. I just want one more chance to do what you are asking me to do. I am so tired of Leslie...She is a loser and needs to be covered in the latitude of your grace. You are the molder, the potter the shaper of everything. I need You to perform a miracle here. Form a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. I know You can do this, it's a small thing for You to make a new beginning, a fresh start for me, this is what You do, from the beginning in Genesis. It's all about You and a fresh start, a new morning, a new sunrise, a new season...I need it all and then some. I ask for fresh wind in my sails. I love the beach, the breeze and both of those refresh me, so Lord bring on the Your fresh wind in my sails, I desparately need You breathing into my life. You are Holy God and You are always there for me to fill me up. I ask humbly for a job teaching the rebels Your ways so the lost can find their way home. Please Heavenly Father, I love You so much and trust You with all this.

Leslie, the loser, covered in Grace, Praise God!

All my hard work is not yielding anything....

Lev 25: 19-20 "I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit."
I was thinking today about all that is in these verses for me today. Verse 21 goes on to say and if you don't listen to God, guess what, things are going to get worse. So it's like I am in a hole dug by Leslie, and I can either get out now with a hand up, or dig deeper and then I am going to need more than a hand, an entire crew may need to show up! So pride is my issue today. It's easy to write about it, hard to admit, even harder to live with the consequences of it. I am embarrassed to say that I allowed pride to take root in my life and now here I sit on the sidelines of my own life, watching my friends, collegues move forward. It's a crappy feeling, knowing they are finishing before me. Pride again!

So I am so tired of running in my own strength and God has made it harder for me to run:

All my hard work in my education is not yielding anything in the classroom. People are questioning my very knowledge of the content. It's because God is not allowing me to move forward because of my pride. Wow!!
I can say I know how this feels, it takes all my energy. So enough rambling. I am going to start over today and see what God has for me next. I feel a breakthrough today and am so thankful that God rescued me again. I wonder if He ever gets tired of rescuing Leslie from herself?

I feel like God is breaking my stubborn pride right now. I feel my
strength is spent in vain, for nothing, so I took myself out of the
game. Or God did, but nonetheless, I am out. So I see verse 21 if I
remain hostile or refuse to listen to God right now, it's only going to
get worse. I am not safely under His wing. So my question to myself is
why would I continue not to listen to Him? I feel like I am
experiencing all of this in these two verses. I want to listen to God,
so I must get back on track today. I do feel like I have enemies right
now, the people in the school of EDU, my supervisor and my cooperating
teacher. It didn't matter how hard I tried to teach correctly, I
couldn't do it. I was too prideful about my own strength. Still trying
to prove that even though I have been left behind, I am strong. I am
learning the lesson of not doing it in my own strength. I am not sure
this has ever been so crystal clear to me. I actually can say I can
feel how it feels now. Inside my very being, I am struggling, but can't
get anywhere. Even in my own home. And with my own kids. Wow! God is
tenting among me, but I have somehow passed by the tabernacle for many
weeks now, trying to run on my own strength. Not even looking to the
fire or the cloud to see which way they are headed. Determined to get
my goals my way, my direction, not His. I guess I AM on the scenic
route. 3 weeks ago, my life was moving along in the wrong direction. I
ignored God speaking to my heart and here I am experiencing
consequences, just as His word says. My reputation could have been
ruined as a teacher and my career up in smoke. I am so thankful to be
here at His feet this morning and hearing Him again. I wasn't
listening. Seeking but setting all the wisdom aside for later. Now I am
ready to move forward, with less of me, not running on pride or my own
strength, for I am only what He has made me, or given me. I am His
period! I am ready now Lord, show me what is next, no matter what this
looks like, I trust You. Amen