Lev 25: 19-20 "I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit."
I was thinking today about all that is in these verses for me today. Verse 21 goes on to say and if you don't listen to God, guess what, things are going to get worse. So it's like I am in a hole dug by Leslie, and I can either get out now with a hand up, or dig deeper and then I am going to need more than a hand, an entire crew may need to show up! So pride is my issue today. It's easy to write about it, hard to admit, even harder to live with the consequences of it. I am embarrassed to say that I allowed pride to take root in my life and now here I sit on the sidelines of my own life, watching my friends, collegues move forward. It's a crappy feeling, knowing they are finishing before me. Pride again!
So I am so tired of running in my own strength and God has made it harder for me to run:
All my hard work in my education is not yielding anything in the classroom. People are questioning my very knowledge of the content. It's because God is not allowing me to move forward because of my pride. Wow!!
I can say I know how this feels, it takes all my energy. So enough rambling. I am going to start over today and see what God has for me next. I feel a breakthrough today and am so thankful that God rescued me again. I wonder if He ever gets tired of rescuing Leslie from herself?
I feel like God is breaking my stubborn pride right now. I feel my
strength is spent in vain, for nothing, so I took myself out of the
game. Or God did, but nonetheless, I am out. So I see verse 21 if I
remain hostile or refuse to listen to God right now, it's only going to
get worse. I am not safely under His wing. So my question to myself is
why would I continue not to listen to Him? I feel like I am
experiencing all of this in these two verses. I want to listen to God,
so I must get back on track today. I do feel like I have enemies right
now, the people in the school of EDU, my supervisor and my cooperating
teacher. It didn't matter how hard I tried to teach correctly, I
couldn't do it. I was too prideful about my own strength. Still trying
to prove that even though I have been left behind, I am strong. I am
learning the lesson of not doing it in my own strength. I am not sure
this has ever been so crystal clear to me. I actually can say I can
feel how it feels now. Inside my very being, I am struggling, but can't
get anywhere. Even in my own home. And with my own kids. Wow! God is
tenting among me, but I have somehow passed by the tabernacle for many
weeks now, trying to run on my own strength. Not even looking to the
fire or the cloud to see which way they are headed. Determined to get
my goals my way, my direction, not His. I guess I AM on the scenic
route. 3 weeks ago, my life was moving along in the wrong direction. I
ignored God speaking to my heart and here I am experiencing
consequences, just as His word says. My reputation could have been
ruined as a teacher and my career up in smoke. I am so thankful to be
here at His feet this morning and hearing Him again. I wasn't
listening. Seeking but setting all the wisdom aside for later. Now I am
ready to move forward, with less of me, not running on pride or my own
strength, for I am only what He has made me, or given me. I am His
period! I am ready now Lord, show me what is next, no matter what this
looks like, I trust You. Amen
I was thinking today about all that is in these verses for me today. Verse 21 goes on to say and if you don't listen to God, guess what, things are going to get worse. So it's like I am in a hole dug by Leslie, and I can either get out now with a hand up, or dig deeper and then I am going to need more than a hand, an entire crew may need to show up! So pride is my issue today. It's easy to write about it, hard to admit, even harder to live with the consequences of it. I am embarrassed to say that I allowed pride to take root in my life and now here I sit on the sidelines of my own life, watching my friends, collegues move forward. It's a crappy feeling, knowing they are finishing before me. Pride again!
So I am so tired of running in my own strength and God has made it harder for me to run:
All my hard work in my education is not yielding anything in the classroom. People are questioning my very knowledge of the content. It's because God is not allowing me to move forward because of my pride. Wow!!
I can say I know how this feels, it takes all my energy. So enough rambling. I am going to start over today and see what God has for me next. I feel a breakthrough today and am so thankful that God rescued me again. I wonder if He ever gets tired of rescuing Leslie from herself?
I feel like God is breaking my stubborn pride right now. I feel my
strength is spent in vain, for nothing, so I took myself out of the
game. Or God did, but nonetheless, I am out. So I see verse 21 if I
remain hostile or refuse to listen to God right now, it's only going to
get worse. I am not safely under His wing. So my question to myself is
why would I continue not to listen to Him? I feel like I am
experiencing all of this in these two verses. I want to listen to God,
so I must get back on track today. I do feel like I have enemies right
now, the people in the school of EDU, my supervisor and my cooperating
teacher. It didn't matter how hard I tried to teach correctly, I
couldn't do it. I was too prideful about my own strength. Still trying
to prove that even though I have been left behind, I am strong. I am
learning the lesson of not doing it in my own strength. I am not sure
this has ever been so crystal clear to me. I actually can say I can
feel how it feels now. Inside my very being, I am struggling, but can't
get anywhere. Even in my own home. And with my own kids. Wow! God is
tenting among me, but I have somehow passed by the tabernacle for many
weeks now, trying to run on my own strength. Not even looking to the
fire or the cloud to see which way they are headed. Determined to get
my goals my way, my direction, not His. I guess I AM on the scenic
route. 3 weeks ago, my life was moving along in the wrong direction. I
ignored God speaking to my heart and here I am experiencing
consequences, just as His word says. My reputation could have been
ruined as a teacher and my career up in smoke. I am so thankful to be
here at His feet this morning and hearing Him again. I wasn't
listening. Seeking but setting all the wisdom aside for later. Now I am
ready to move forward, with less of me, not running on pride or my own
strength, for I am only what He has made me, or given me. I am His
period! I am ready now Lord, show me what is next, no matter what this
looks like, I trust You. Amen
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