10 years ago I would have finished that statement with self.....5 years ago I would have finished that statement with something about my future....2 years ago I couldn't have finished that statement....last year I would have finished it with self-pity and sorrow....today...tonight I can finish this statement with "He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I ever forsake you." (Heb13:5b). God is so good to me...you see He would finish that statement the same yesterday, today and forever, because He is God and never changes. I am the one that changes with my circumstances. I am the one that says, " Really, are You sure You are going to be faithful again...I mean it doesn't look like it, and why is it taking so long? Why all the waiting?
Hebrews 13:6 says this, "So that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"
I guess my question is what happens when I am not believing in what He can do in my life? I have the past faithfulness to look and see and hold in my heart. It is there, and yet I still get into that place of disbelief, like He is all out of faithfulness this time and surely this is it for me, I must have done something to deserve this discipline of waiting. As I think about these things, I feel bad that I am not living that life of faith that so many before me, in front of me and around me are doing and have done. I wonder what is the secret, it seems others don't get off track...but here I am...
As I question and wonder, God brings me these verses in Proverbs 4: 25,26,27
"Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."
These verses give me step by step directions on how to stay focused on the confidence in the Lord. I am guilty of looking to the right and to the left, and then calling out to God as if He left me and I had no choice this time. When actually, He never left me, I looked away and lost my focus. I became overcome with my situation again and this time went to the left to take a closer look at those details, instead of the details of Him and His character and Faithfulness straight in front of me.
In the midst of learning again, to stay focused on Him, I want to shorten the hard part of waiting, waiting on Him to show me what is next. I want to know in a deeper way, so that it penetrates my heart and overcomes the battle in my mind; that just because my circumstances take over my focus, that He is still there, never leaving me or forsaking me, and still holding me like no other can....thank goodness for His grace...I want to get back up again quicker this time and fix my eyes on Him...
2 comments:
Leslie, it is inspiring to watch you from afar...to see God sustaining you...to see you worship and start to have a little fun here and there again... to read this documentation of your spiritual journey. Whether these feel like good times or not, they are beneficial times. Thanks for the reminders of what is good and true and worth focussing on. He will never leave. that's something to hang on to!
Thank you Janet for your kind words...I praise God I can now do more than just hang on....
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