3.30.2008

The view is incredible!

And I have just begun my journey up the Mountain of God. I can't imagine the view from the top. I have been on many hikes to the top of many mountains, in varying sizes. I climbed Mt Rainer once, well just the easy path. Not to the very top, but the view from close to the base was incredible. I wasn't in shape or ready for the climb to 14,000 feet up to the top. It takes training to get to that point. I wasn't willing to go through the training, I didn't think the view was going to be worth it I guess, or maybe I just didn't believe I had what it took, and I was probably right. So I settled for the view from close to the bottom, but even that was amazing, how much more would the view from the top be?

Now God is calling me through the valleys and up the side of His Mountain. He has been calling for quite some time, and I just kept saying "Later, God, I am busy here, planning my life." Not anymore, not today, not tomorrow, NOW I am ready to climb. I have been in the valley long enough, I am desperate for that view from the top. You know, the feeling you get when you reach the top of that 1900 foot climb, ahhhh, wow, the wind is in your hair, the landscape breaks out into view and you stand in amazement that you are so small in the vastness of all that you see in that 360 degree view from the top. You ask yourself, why did you wait so long to take this hike, the view is so incredible. And you never want to come down! So you try to memorize all the details of the view from what you see to how you feel.

God's mountain is what I want to climb now, Yes I have to go through the valley first, yes the One who goes before me will help me. I have been in the valley for some time now. I guess there is the option for some climbs to fly to the top. You know, maybe a helicopter or small plane could bring you up. But they won't take off from the valley! They will take off from a distant air strip, not the valley I am in now, it isn't appropriate for a runway, many forests, rocks, creeks, ponds, fallen trees, the valley has it's own challenges. So to take off from the airstrip far away, would be to miss the valley. How much more amazing is the top of that mountain peak , after you have been in the valley? How much more satisfying? How much more do we learn about the One who is in the valley with us? The Helicopter ride would be short, not a lot of time for conversation. Just up to the top and down again. The plane can't land on the top, no room. So you can't "feel" the Mountain top, only view the top, which isn't the same through the view of a small plane window, compared to the view standing on the top. Where you get to see the view and how far you came to get there.

I am getting my boots on today...no more excuses...I am just at the base, but even just these few feet up, I am amazed at the view of the Mountain of God, I can't wait to get to the top. It may take the rest of my life, but it's about the journey and when I reach the top, along with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I hope and pray I have someone to share it with, because well, I just do....

3.29.2008

I am confident of this.....

10 years ago I would have finished that statement with self.....5 years ago I would have finished that statement with something about my future....2 years ago I couldn't have finished that statement....last year I would have finished it with self-pity and sorrow....today...tonight I can finish this statement with "He Himself has said, "I will never desert you nor will I ever forsake you." (Heb13:5b). God is so good to me...you see He would finish that statement the same yesterday, today and forever, because He is God and never changes. I am the one that changes with my circumstances. I am the one that says, " Really, are You sure You are going to be faithful again...I mean it doesn't look like it, and why is it taking so long? Why all the waiting?
Hebrews 13:6 says this, "So that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"

I guess my question is what happens when I am not believing in what He can do in my life? I have the past faithfulness to look and see and hold in my heart. It is there, and yet I still get into that place of disbelief, like He is all out of faithfulness this time and surely this is it for me, I must have done something to deserve this discipline of waiting. As I think about these things, I feel bad that I am not living that life of faith that so many before me, in front of me and around me are doing and have done. I wonder what is the secret, it seems others don't get off track...but here I am...

As I question and wonder, God brings me these verses in Proverbs 4: 25,26,27

"Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil."

These verses give me step by step directions on how to stay focused on the confidence in the Lord. I am guilty of looking to the right and to the left, and then calling out to God as if He left me and I had no choice this time. When actually, He never left me, I looked away and lost my focus. I became overcome with my situation again and this time went to the left to take a closer look at those details, instead of the details of Him and His character and Faithfulness straight in front of me.

In the midst of learning again, to stay focused on Him, I want to shorten the hard part of waiting, waiting on Him to show me what is next. I want to know in a deeper way, so that it penetrates my heart and overcomes the battle in my mind; that just because my circumstances take over my focus, that He is still there, never leaving me or forsaking me, and still holding me like no other can....thank goodness for His grace...I want to get back up again quicker this time and fix my eyes on Him...

3.15.2008

Choice A: Good pain : Choice B: Bad pain

I really don't to want either, but if I have to chose, well I guess I am learning that the good pain is more productive, even though it hurts...greatly. So in my group, well, I will not reveal real names, but let's just say that we all are in the learning process. Each of us needs the support for us to grow. There is something about accountability when attempting to grow in good pain and not to go back to the bad pain patterns. So what is pain anyway and why do we have to experience it. The definition of pain according to the Oxford English Dictionary is "The state or condition of consciousness arising from mental or physical suffering; distress; an instance of this." What I like about this definition is that it includes mental suffering, not just physical. This word was first recorded in 1375 and spelled "payne".

So with this background information I can look at my pain in a fresh way, sort of like wow, I am going to be conscious when I experience it! I am going to feel it! I will remember it!! So then I can help someone in their journey because I remember! Like Jesus, when Peter tried to get him to avoid suffering, Jesus calls us to embrace it. Matt 16:24-25 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." So we can't just confess that Jesus is the Messiah, but we must understand that this also involves suffering and death. We have to realize that we are going to pay the same price. We don't know the extent of the suffering, but we know we will suffer. So how do we go through it? Jesus went through it without sin and with obedience. Heb 5:7-8 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered."

Now we chose good pain over bad pain, because that is the only choice, there is no option C. It is either A or B and how to know the difference. Well the bad pain comes from repeating old patterns. Say for example, I am always screaming "Victim" "I am the victim." I will view my entire life through that lens and always wake up in pain, bitterness, anger and all the while my heart just can't experience joy, no matter what I do. No one tells me, "Leslie you are just repeating the same patterns, move on, let go, you must face your own character faults." And reminding me, with love, I should be looking at my suffering with the question, "what can I learn from this?"

I believe Jesus meant for the church to do this for each other. The hard stuff of confronting in love, accountability. Of course it is not easy, but love isn't described as easy!
These are just a few examples of how I can grow in a good way through pain:

Take risks being more honest
Taking risks in relational confrontation
Dealing with trauma and pain from the past
Learning to grieve
Learning to forgive
Learning to reconcile difficult relationships


Now the bottom line on pain? I like to think of it this way, sort of like going to the gym with the ultimate trainer. You see at the gym,you are paying the trainer to get you in shape. Is the trainer going to say, "oh you know, your stomach is fine, let's just leave it, you seem to be okay with it and the work will be just too hard!" My experience is the experts never are satisfied with leaving anything as is and are there to challenge you to be better!

So yes, you guessed it we have spiritual muscles! And guess what? God, the expert, loves me more than my personal trainer! (I know, Shock!) So why are we surprised knowing that Jesus suffered and that our spiritual muscles only grow through pain, like our physical muscles! And God doesn't want to leave us "going through the motions" on the treadmill of life, He wants us all, completely, given up to Him. Yes, you guessed it again, we can't learn that if we just chose to stay on the treadmill and never go out and try the other machines and classes!

Let's embrace the pain, so that we too can experience more of Him in our lives and then learn how to stop the pain that comes from addictions, repeating old patterns, avoiding growth and the pain that comes from avoiding pain. Most importantly help others through their pain by giving them hope, the Hope of Jesus!

Don't be a reluctant sufferer like Peter, take the challenge and strengthen those spiritual muscles! Join me, the cost of this membership is priceless!